So, as the overplayed song says, "I Did It My Way." Of course my way
isn't always what is considered "best" these days and frankly, I'm
tired of hearing about why it's not.
I'm talking about my parenting skills. Yep. I'm going there.
Let
me start off by saying I did not read Babywise. As soon as the other
mommies my age stop gasping we'll get back to other things I did wrong.
I know that some moms think this trendy book is the end all for
parenting and the fact that I didn't read it is shocking and appalling
to you. For that I'm sorry....
Wait...I'm actually not sorry, but I'll get to that later.
So
if I were to think about all the things I've done "wrong" as a mom
these days I could go on and on. But here's the shortened version if
you will:
1. I had a c-section. I know that lots of
women have this drawn out birth plan and think that having a baby with
no drugs will be a spiritual and moving experience....that's awesome for
them. But when the doctor says, "Hey Heather we have to get her out
now or she's probably not going to make it," there's no question in my
mind of what I'm going to do. But even if her birth wasn't an emergency
I still would have opted for the drugs.
2. I didn't
nurse. I tried. I took supplement after supplement and tried home
remedy after home remedy. Nothing ever happened. I've actually been
told by people that I should have tried harder. I've read all the
benefits of nursing and I'm sure it's a wonderful thing. It's just not
one of the things that I got to experience.
3. I didn't teach my baby sign language. Nope - not even one single sign.
4.
I didn't make my own baby food. I bought and tried pretty much every
baby food flavor that Gerber makes. Now Kaitlyn is way past the baby
food and I give her processed food. I give her frozen chicken nuggets
and pancakes. Sure I throw fresh fruit and veggies into the mix, but
she does eat frozen and packaged food. She also eats at Taco Bueno and
McDonalds - even though I think McDonalds is beyond gross.
5.
I work full time and when you're a teacher full time means that you
don't leave at 3:30. It also means that maybe you don't see your kid
until later that night or that your kid might be up at school with you
late hours for PTA meetings or what not. I also take my kid to school
twice a week in the summer when I'm not teaching - for the whole school
day.
I know, I know...I'm a horrible mom right? At
least that's what "they" make me feel like sometimes. But here's the
deal - I don't believe I'm a horrible mom. I think I'm actually pretty
good at it and I'm not afraid to say that.
As I said...
I
had a c-section. I didn't feel one single thing from my chest down and
I still feel like I had an amazing spiritual journey as I had Kaitlyn.
I didn't nurse, but somehow my daughter still knew how to bond with me and she has been healthy.
I didn't teach K sign language, yet she still learned how to communicate her needs to me.
So
why do I feel the need to justify myself as a mom? I thought about
this a lot today. It consumed me more than I would like to let on, but
the fact is it did. I think it stems from a combination of things, but
mainly because of what I hear and read about from my other mom friends.
I'm not trying to start things and I'm not trying to be "snippy," but I
feel I should be able to voice my opinion on things too.
You
see, moms love to help other moms out. I know for one I loved getting
to see my sister-in-law with my niece right before Kaitlyn was born.
She was amazing with her daughter and I learned so much from her in just
a few days and I think it better prepared me to be a mom. That was my
first real time around a brand new baby and I was amazed at my
sis-in-law's strength. She is, by the way, an amazing mom to my now TWO
nieces. :)
I'm so thankful that she was there for me
if I needed to ask someone what I thought was a silly question or if I
needed to just vent about the stresses a new mama feels. All moms need
people like that.
But with that said, I also want it
known that my sis-in-law never once told me anything I was doing was
wrong. Never once. Even if she thought it she never let on. I love
and respect her so much for that.
I'm going to go a bit
off topic here, but we have a team at our school. It's called the
Restart team. The purpose of the Restart team is to help teachers with
students that they are struggling with, be it academic or behaviorally.
I'm on this team and have been what we call a case manager. Case
managers are not allowed to give their opinion on a child and are not
allowed to tell a teacher what to do with a child. Case managers are to
guide another teacher's thinking and help that teacher think deeper
about their own student. The ownership is with the student's teacher -
not the case manager. The case manager is there for support. So yes,
even when I've been supporting another teacher I've wanted to say, "You
should do it this way" But I don't - I can't. And eventually the
teacher is better because of it. Does that mean I don't bounce ideas
back and forth with other teachers? No - not at all! But I would
never dare tell a teacher why I think what they are doing is all wrong.
Hmmm....I'm thinking I like this methods for other
mothers. We all need to be so careful to tell mothers that there is
only one right way to do things. If you as a mother want to share your
successes, by all means - share them!! Let me celebrate with you. But
don't in turn tell me what I'm doing is wrong and list a bunch of facts
and figures about why I am wrong.
I've been teaching
kids for seven years now, and I've learned that children are amazing
blessings capable of so, so many things, but kids are different. They
learn differently and will develop differently. If you want to argue
with me come teach my class for one day using the same level book for
each kid. I dare you.
Kids are different. Parents
are different. Family situations are different. Those differences are
what make life interesting. Do I judge those moms that have at a home
water birth? Not for one single second. I think they are amazing
people and I love that that is their journey. Do I think moms that stay
at home are not fulfilled? Nope - not at all. That's their calling
and I will pray for them and support them in any way I can. Just please
be respectful of my choices and realize that I'm doing what's best for
MY child and MY family.
I love Kaitlyn Grace will all
my heart. Am I the perfect mother to her? No. I could always be
better, but I'm not sorry for one single thing I've done or am currently
doing concerning her. I haven't done what is trendy in motherhood
these days, but somehow she has turned out to be this incredible,
polite, spunky little girl that brings such joy to my life. Is every
day with her perfect? Not even close, but do I feel it's my fault and
the result of me not doing some "mama method" that someone told me I
should?
Nah - it's just our real life and I'm loving every single second of it.
