I'm not even sure how to start this entry - no words seem right. I can't think of anything good enough or strong enough to explain what happened today - so I'm sorry my words won't do this any justice.
Today was Hope Elizabeth Pastusek's funeral. Anna and John are a couple in our Sunday school class at church and are Hope's amazing parents. They have known this day was coming for a few months, even though Hope wasn't born until last Wednesday. Hope had Trisonomy 18 (Edward's Syndrome) so Anna and John knew she wasn't going to make it - it was just a question of how much time they were going to have with her. Unfortunately, Hope was stillborn and today she was remembered.
When something like this happens people question God - people including me. As I have said before I hate that I do this, and I know I shouldn't, but sometimes life doesn't make sense to me. I see on an everday basis kids that have horrible parents. I have heard parents tell their children in front of them that they don't want them, and I have seen abuse beyond what any kid should have - even an iron burn on the face. But here was a couple that loves God, loves kids, and would have been great parents (and will be someday). So my question is why does something like this happen to them? Why is it that some of the greatest people I know aren't able to have children? And why do people who don't treat kids lovingly get to have so many? It just doesn't seem fair.
But today Dr. Wiles said something in the service that really hit home to me. Maybe you're heard it before, or thought it before, but I hadn't until today. Dr. Wiles said that he can't explain why these tough things happen, but he can't explain why blessings happen either. Wow. I had honestly never thought of it that way. Here I am questioning why these bad things are happening, but do I ever question the good? Why do some people have amazingly great and healthy kids? Why do some people have no problem having kids? Why does God bless us so much? These aren't questions I ask in times of joy. Sure, I've wondered sometimes how I got to be so blessed with certain parts of my life, but when I think about the pain in my life and other's life I've never asked God why there is also so much good. So, just as we can't explain the bad, we can't explain the good. God knows all and holds every tear and smile in His hands. We aren't here to question, and who knows what will come of the pain we endure? Anna and John have already reached and inspired more people than they know, and I know they will continue to do so. They are two of the strongest people I have ever met and they are truly two of my heroes.
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no HOPE. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.
~1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
It's a...????
Boy or girl?? That's a huge question in our minds right now. Sure,
we say it really doesn't matter and that all we want is a healthy baby
and that is 110% true, but not knowing the gender is hard! Of course we
have been looking at all the old wives tales and what not - just for
fun. Here's what we've found out so far.
Heartbeat test: The old wives tale is that if the heartbeat is over 140 beats per minute it's a girl, and if it's under 140 beats per minute it's a boy. Our's was 161, so that one says GIRL
Chinese Lunar Calendar: Checking your "chinese age" with conception time on a chart GIRL
Ring test: This is the one when you take your hubby's wedding ring and swing it above your belly. If it swings in a circular movement it's a girl. If it swings back and forth like a pendulum it's a boy. This one was performed by a family friend, Barbara Glover, at a wedding shower and she concluded it was a BOY
Cravings: The old wives tale on this one is if you crave meat you're having a boy and if you crave fruit you're having a girl. Since I physically have to force myself to eat meat nowadays and I can't stop buying fruit I'm going to conclude GIRL
I know this is all pretty silly, but at the same time it's fun to try and guess. The truth is we'll know April 23rd what we're having and the days are going to drag so slowly until then!!!
Here's a picture of the ring test being performed...not the most flattering of pictures, but oh well. :)
Heartbeat test: The old wives tale is that if the heartbeat is over 140 beats per minute it's a girl, and if it's under 140 beats per minute it's a boy. Our's was 161, so that one says GIRL
Chinese Lunar Calendar: Checking your "chinese age" with conception time on a chart GIRL
Ring test: This is the one when you take your hubby's wedding ring and swing it above your belly. If it swings in a circular movement it's a girl. If it swings back and forth like a pendulum it's a boy. This one was performed by a family friend, Barbara Glover, at a wedding shower and she concluded it was a BOY
Cravings: The old wives tale on this one is if you crave meat you're having a boy and if you crave fruit you're having a girl. Since I physically have to force myself to eat meat nowadays and I can't stop buying fruit I'm going to conclude GIRL
I know this is all pretty silly, but at the same time it's fun to try and guess. The truth is we'll know April 23rd what we're having and the days are going to drag so slowly until then!!!
Here's a picture of the ring test being performed...not the most flattering of pictures, but oh well. :)
Monday, March 17, 2008
First Sonogram
Our first sonogram was this past Thursday, March 13th - which also
happened to be Open House at my school, but there was no way I was going
to pass this up. I left a little early from school and headed to my
doctor in Mansfield. It took me almost 45 minutes to get there (I work
in North Arlington) and I had not been nervous at all until I was in the
car by myself thinking about what was about to happen. I kept thinking
crazy things like what if there was no heart beat, or what if there was
something else wrong and I had already told all these people we were
pregnant. I tried so hard to get these thoughts out of my head, but I
was so nervous about the whole thing that I was literally shaking. Cody
had been working out of town all week, but was going to meet me at the
doctor's office so he could be a part of this too. I guess I was more
nervous than I thought and completely missed the turn to the doctor's
office and Cody was already there so he was watching me and laughing the
whole time as I was making my u-turn to get back to the doctor.
Anyway - to make a long story short (or shorter) everything was fine. We could see our baby right away - especially the head and the little arm buds. It was beyond anything I have experienced before. One arm was moving - I said it was waving and Cody says it was practicing it's curve ball. :) I cried. I just couldn't help it. There is a life inside of me and I was finally seeing it. Then the technician asked if we wanted to hear the heartbeat - of course! She turned up the volume on the machine and man did we hear it! So, being me, I cried again. Cody was squeezing my hand and he was just as amazed as I was. It was one of the best times in my life and I am so thankful to have such a wonderful and loving husband to share it with! I am still blown away that our love can actually create a little life. We got two pictures that are great, but they don't show exactly what we saw. When the frame was frozen the bottom of our baby got a little bunched up or something, but you can still see the head and little arm buds. Cody was so cute too when we were leaving. He told the receptionist that they really should have made a copy of the pictures for me since he would be taking the ones we had then. :)
I hated that I had to go to Open House right after the appointment - all I wanted to do was go home and stare at the pictures of our baby! But it was great to be able to show my teammates the pictures, and I finally told my principal that I was pregnant.
That sonogram was so relieving and amazing to me!!! I am so thankful everything so far is okay and that our baby seems healthy - I just pray it stays that way! I can't wait to see more pictures of our little one and to find out whether we're having a girl or boy!
Anyway - to make a long story short (or shorter) everything was fine. We could see our baby right away - especially the head and the little arm buds. It was beyond anything I have experienced before. One arm was moving - I said it was waving and Cody says it was practicing it's curve ball. :) I cried. I just couldn't help it. There is a life inside of me and I was finally seeing it. Then the technician asked if we wanted to hear the heartbeat - of course! She turned up the volume on the machine and man did we hear it! So, being me, I cried again. Cody was squeezing my hand and he was just as amazed as I was. It was one of the best times in my life and I am so thankful to have such a wonderful and loving husband to share it with! I am still blown away that our love can actually create a little life. We got two pictures that are great, but they don't show exactly what we saw. When the frame was frozen the bottom of our baby got a little bunched up or something, but you can still see the head and little arm buds. Cody was so cute too when we were leaving. He told the receptionist that they really should have made a copy of the pictures for me since he would be taking the ones we had then. :)
I hated that I had to go to Open House right after the appointment - all I wanted to do was go home and stare at the pictures of our baby! But it was great to be able to show my teammates the pictures, and I finally told my principal that I was pregnant.
That sonogram was so relieving and amazing to me!!! I am so thankful everything so far is okay and that our baby seems healthy - I just pray it stays that way! I can't wait to see more pictures of our little one and to find out whether we're having a girl or boy!
We're Pregnant!!!
Wow - even writing the title of this blog makes me smile! I can't
believe I'm actually writing the words, "We're pregnant!" Is there
anything greater to write?? It's just down right amazing to me!
February 9th was the day we found out. Cody had been golfing (shocking I know) and I just had this crazy feeling that I was pregnant. Without getting into too much detail, it was still a little early to be sure in other ways, but I thought I'll go get a test and see what happens. I wanted to do it before Cody was home, but he pulled up in the driveway right after I did. I hid the bag in my purse and waited a while. He was checking his email at the computer, so I hurried into the bathroom to take the test. Within seconds it came up "Pregnant." I must have stared at that thing forever before really comprehending it. Then a HUGE smile came across my face and I ran into the computer room. Now, in my plans I had always thought I would have some kind of #1 dad hat or card or something cheesey like that to give to Cody when I found out I was pregnant, but when the actual moment came I completely ruined all those plans. I ran into the office and put my arms around his neck and had the test less than a foot from his eyes. All he could do was say, "What? What?" and then, "Are you serious?"
We hugged and I cried and then we hugged some more. I told him I just had to go to Barnes and Noble so off we went in search of a pregnancy book. I must have read the back covers and part of every pregnancy book in the store until I finally decided on the one I wanted. We got back in the car and said that we weren't going to tell anyone until we knew everything was alright. So of course I kept that for all of 10 more mintues and I called Kelly (my best friend at work) and told her. I justified it by saying someone at work had to know in case anything happened, but of course I was just too excited to keep it to myself. The next morning we went to church and Cody's praise team was singing. He came up to me right before the first service and told me he had slipped and told his friend Kris. All I could do was smile because I knew he was just as excited as I was. I ended up calling my best friends from college later that night and Cody called a few friends as well. We were going to wait on family though, which seems a bit backwards, but we had our reasons. My mom's birthday was coming up and I thought that would be a great time to do it. Cody's brother and sister-in-law are pregnant too and we wanted to give them a little time to celebrate before we shared our news as well.
How We Told His Parents
We went up to his mother's office where his parents and brother were. Earlier in the day Cody had made this shirt (and when I say made, I mean white t-shirt with magic marker) that said #1 Dad (soon). We had been talking normally the entire time and then Cody told them we had some news - he lifted up his shirt and revealed the white #1 Dad (soon) shirt and his parents were literally in shock. It was so funny! Then there was lots of hugging and excitement and even more shock. Cody then went in the hallway and called his little brother and told him the news.
How We Told My Parents
Like I said earlier, my mother's birthday was coming up - February 16th. Now, let me tell you, it was beyond hard to talk to her on the phone and even plan a shower with her and some of her friends and keep it a secret! But I knew her birthday would be a perfect time so I did my best and I actually kept the secret! For her present I bought her a Grandma's brag book, a book called Grandma and Me, and two bibs - one that said, "What Happens At Grandma's Stays and Grandma's" and I honestly can't remember the other one right now - but it was grandmaish too. :) So on her birthday Cody and I went over there and we talked for a while and then handed her the present. As she was opening it she got this really confused look on her face and then started saying, "What? What is this?" My dad looked over and then looked at me and said, "Are you pregnant?" Even before I could answer yes he was already picking up the phone to call my grandmother. It was so my dad! :)
Needless to say, both of our families were shocked, but very excited. Our little baby is going to have two amazing sets of grandparents!!!
February 9th was the day we found out. Cody had been golfing (shocking I know) and I just had this crazy feeling that I was pregnant. Without getting into too much detail, it was still a little early to be sure in other ways, but I thought I'll go get a test and see what happens. I wanted to do it before Cody was home, but he pulled up in the driveway right after I did. I hid the bag in my purse and waited a while. He was checking his email at the computer, so I hurried into the bathroom to take the test. Within seconds it came up "Pregnant." I must have stared at that thing forever before really comprehending it. Then a HUGE smile came across my face and I ran into the computer room. Now, in my plans I had always thought I would have some kind of #1 dad hat or card or something cheesey like that to give to Cody when I found out I was pregnant, but when the actual moment came I completely ruined all those plans. I ran into the office and put my arms around his neck and had the test less than a foot from his eyes. All he could do was say, "What? What?" and then, "Are you serious?"
We hugged and I cried and then we hugged some more. I told him I just had to go to Barnes and Noble so off we went in search of a pregnancy book. I must have read the back covers and part of every pregnancy book in the store until I finally decided on the one I wanted. We got back in the car and said that we weren't going to tell anyone until we knew everything was alright. So of course I kept that for all of 10 more mintues and I called Kelly (my best friend at work) and told her. I justified it by saying someone at work had to know in case anything happened, but of course I was just too excited to keep it to myself. The next morning we went to church and Cody's praise team was singing. He came up to me right before the first service and told me he had slipped and told his friend Kris. All I could do was smile because I knew he was just as excited as I was. I ended up calling my best friends from college later that night and Cody called a few friends as well. We were going to wait on family though, which seems a bit backwards, but we had our reasons. My mom's birthday was coming up and I thought that would be a great time to do it. Cody's brother and sister-in-law are pregnant too and we wanted to give them a little time to celebrate before we shared our news as well.
How We Told His Parents
We went up to his mother's office where his parents and brother were. Earlier in the day Cody had made this shirt (and when I say made, I mean white t-shirt with magic marker) that said #1 Dad (soon). We had been talking normally the entire time and then Cody told them we had some news - he lifted up his shirt and revealed the white #1 Dad (soon) shirt and his parents were literally in shock. It was so funny! Then there was lots of hugging and excitement and even more shock. Cody then went in the hallway and called his little brother and told him the news.
How We Told My Parents
Like I said earlier, my mother's birthday was coming up - February 16th. Now, let me tell you, it was beyond hard to talk to her on the phone and even plan a shower with her and some of her friends and keep it a secret! But I knew her birthday would be a perfect time so I did my best and I actually kept the secret! For her present I bought her a Grandma's brag book, a book called Grandma and Me, and two bibs - one that said, "What Happens At Grandma's Stays and Grandma's" and I honestly can't remember the other one right now - but it was grandmaish too. :) So on her birthday Cody and I went over there and we talked for a while and then handed her the present. As she was opening it she got this really confused look on her face and then started saying, "What? What is this?" My dad looked over and then looked at me and said, "Are you pregnant?" Even before I could answer yes he was already picking up the phone to call my grandmother. It was so my dad! :)
Needless to say, both of our families were shocked, but very excited. Our little baby is going to have two amazing sets of grandparents!!!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
The Double Sided Mirror
Last week in my graduate class, we were able to watch an amazing Reading Recovery teacher work with one of her students. We were watching behind a glass mirror (like you see on all the cop shows) - we could see the teacher and student, but the student had no idea we could see him. He was a first grader that had been the lowest in his class at the beginning of the year, and this teacher had worked with him every morning at 7:30 until 8:05 doing the framework lessons of Reading Recovery, which is an AMAZING program that I wish more schools had, but that's a whole other issue...
As we were watching this sweet child read and write with such confidence and even joy, I looked around and the other teachers. We all could not help ourselves when he was reading or spelling a sight word - we were all cheering him on and acted as if one lean of us might actually help him. It was actually pretty funny as we tried to encourage someone who didn't even know we were there. Then I got to thinking of how that related to life. How many people are behind a "glass" with God watching them not even knowing Him? There God is, cheering people on and wanting so much for them to success and some don't even know He's there.
At the end of the lesson the Reading Recovery teacher took the student across to our room so he could see we had all been watching him. He was exiting the program the very next day, so he only had one more lesson in the mirrored room anyway. The look on his face when he realized exactly what had gone on was priceless! At first it was confusion, then this huge smile came on his face and he said, "Did you see how good of a reader I was?" I imagine a non-believer finally realizing that God has been in their lives, just waiting for them to come to the other side of the mirror and realize He has been there watching and waiting. Some of us take a little longer to "exit the program" and make that progress, but after that we are fill with knowledge and joy for the rest of our life! This just convicts me more to share the joy of Jesus with those who don't know Him. Obviously I can't be the one to move them across to the other side of the glass - that comes from within that person's heart, but maybe, just maybe, I can be like that teacher - showing someone the way to the answers.
As we were watching this sweet child read and write with such confidence and even joy, I looked around and the other teachers. We all could not help ourselves when he was reading or spelling a sight word - we were all cheering him on and acted as if one lean of us might actually help him. It was actually pretty funny as we tried to encourage someone who didn't even know we were there. Then I got to thinking of how that related to life. How many people are behind a "glass" with God watching them not even knowing Him? There God is, cheering people on and wanting so much for them to success and some don't even know He's there.
At the end of the lesson the Reading Recovery teacher took the student across to our room so he could see we had all been watching him. He was exiting the program the very next day, so he only had one more lesson in the mirrored room anyway. The look on his face when he realized exactly what had gone on was priceless! At first it was confusion, then this huge smile came on his face and he said, "Did you see how good of a reader I was?" I imagine a non-believer finally realizing that God has been in their lives, just waiting for them to come to the other side of the mirror and realize He has been there watching and waiting. Some of us take a little longer to "exit the program" and make that progress, but after that we are fill with knowledge and joy for the rest of our life! This just convicts me more to share the joy of Jesus with those who don't know Him. Obviously I can't be the one to move them across to the other side of the glass - that comes from within that person's heart, but maybe, just maybe, I can be like that teacher - showing someone the way to the answers.
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