Signs

So, I pretty much got offered my dream job and turned it down a week later.

Yep.

Actually, no.  It's not that simple.  And honestly, it's not as big as it sounds.  Let me back up a bit.

Last week, I got an email from a principal at a school close to mine asking me if I would take a position during summer school.  That's only 3 weeks folks, nothing life changing.  She explained that my job would be nothing but pulling reading groups all day long.

Seriously?

That's my favorite part of the day.  I LIVE for reading groups in my classroom.

So you want to actually pay me for doing nothing but that all day long?  Ummm...yes please!

I told her I needed to talk with my family and get back to her.  Yes, it's only three weeks, but it's also three weeks with me having to find child care for Kaitlyn.  My awesome mama, who is retired, said she would help out and if I really wanted to do it.

Perfect.  This was going to happen.  But there was always this little twitch that I couldn't shake.  I asked God to just show me a sign of what I should do.  I didn't want a whisper either.  I wanted a stinking billboard sign.

Y'all, that's just how it works for my brain - especially in May.

I even thought I got a sign at church on Sunday.  Our sermon was about relationships at work and how your role at work can impact others.  I selfishly even said to myself during the sermon, "Okay, okay God.  I'll take it if you reeeeeeally want me to.  You don't have to keep pushing."

Gosh, I'm a dork.  And usually a wrong one.

I was going to need to get back to this principal the next day with my answer.  I was ready to say yes.  But there was that silly twitch again.  But, but...I had a sign!  So what that it was more of one of those little "vote for me" yard signs than a billboard?  A sign was a sign.  Leave me alone God - I heard you the first time.

Until finally my heart said, "Heather.  Talk to Kaitlyn."

There it was.  Loud and clear.

So in the car, as I was taking K to school Monday morning, I started the conversation.  It went something like this:

"Hey K.  Mama got asked to teach a little bit more into the summer.  What do you think about that?"

"Cool.  Can I listen to my music now?"  (She soooo loves teacher talk, can't you tell?)

"That would mean 15 days of the summer.  Those would be some of our days together."

"Really?  That would hurt my heart."

That was my billboard.

So I turned the job down.  Yes, it was only for three weeks, but those are weeks I can't get back with my daughter, and she is my job during the summer.  Would I have loved it?  Heck yes!!!  Will I love the time with my daughter more?  I'm sure I will for the most part, but I'm also sure there will be times when I'm ready to pull my hair out.  That's just reality.

But I finally took a step back from what I wanted, and realized where I needed to be.  It's not always  easy for me to turn off "teacher mode" in the summer.  But it's such a demanding job during the school year, that I need to.  My family needs me to do that for them.

So, how often do you make certain signs just work for you?  Do you really take the time to step back and truly be peaceful, patient, and attentive?

I love the lyrics from an Addison Road song, "I try to hear from Heaven, but I talk the whole time."

In other words, "Shut up for two seconds Heather and listen!"

Okay, so maybe not that harshly, but you get the point.

I'm trying, I really am.