Wired

As we are nearing the end of Spring Break, I've come to a pretty big realization.

I was never meant to be a stay at home mom.

I've spent so many hours trying to defend myself, to myself.   I've actually thought that I should feel more guilty about loving my job.  It took me years (apparently about five and half) to truly realize that this doesn't mean I don't love my daughter the way I should.

I am finally at the point where I don't feel guilty for not feeling guilty.

Clear as mud?

Let me elaborate.

I think my transformation of thought really started a few months back when I posted something on Facebook.  It was something along the lines of "I can't believe all these teachers who take selfies of each and every outfit every single day."  My VERY WISE friend, Brittany, made the comment that we all have to have hobbies.

For some reason that slapped me in the face.  She was so right.  I was so wrong.  Who did I think I was trying to judge these people?  I love spending hours editing pictures while blaring music and some people think that is dumb.  That's just how I'm wired.  If there are people out there wired to find joy in fashion and post about it each day - DO IT!  I'm all about people finding joy!

From that moment, I truly felt like I became less "judgy."  When someone posted something that I used to think was silly, a little Brittany would come to mind telling me, "We all need hobbies."

We are all created so differently, and thank God for that!  This world would be so boring with a whole bunch of me out there.  And I'm not fishing for compliments here - the world would be so boring with a whole bunch of you too.  ;)  The same of anyone would just be a snooze. 

Then I started reflecting about my marriage more.  Cody and I used to fight a lot when we first got married.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.  Some of the fights were petty and stupid, and some were about some pretty important issues.  Looking back though, I realize that we just didn't truly "get each other" just yet.  Sure, we had dated for years, but living together was something so completely different.  It wasn't until I finally accepted who he was and he did the same that we started really enjoying our marriage.

Our marriage is just plain fun to me now.  Cody is so very different than me in so many different ways.  Apparently he is an otter and I'm a golden retriever when it comes to the Smalley personality test.  :)  That's why we work.  He is the humor to my seriousness.  I am the organized planner to his carefree spirit.  He is the social butterfly to my social awkwardness.

We have learned the art of respectful compromise.  I used to hate when he was out with the guys so much, but now I get why he needs that.  He also understands when I go to dinner with my girlfriends every other Wednesday.  We are more in tune with how the other is wired now and we have a healthier marriage because of that.

All that to say, I've just been restless today.  I'm itching to get back in my classroom.  I'm ready to see my students.  I actually want to go back to work. 

Now before you start feeling sorry for my daughter, I should let you know that she told me two days ago she was ready to go back to school and see her friends.  We've had a blast and I love spending time with her so much.  I'm pretty sure she feels the same way - at least I hope so.  We just also enjoy other things.

And for once, I'm okay with that.

But with that said, I also get why some moms are stay at home moms.  That's how they are wired.  It doesn't make them better than me.  It doesn't make me better than them.

It just makes us - well, us.