Wired

As we are nearing the end of Spring Break, I've come to a pretty big realization.

I was never meant to be a stay at home mom.

I've spent so many hours trying to defend myself, to myself.   I've actually thought that I should feel more guilty about loving my job.  It took me years (apparently about five and half) to truly realize that this doesn't mean I don't love my daughter the way I should.

I am finally at the point where I don't feel guilty for not feeling guilty.

Clear as mud?

Let me elaborate.

I think my transformation of thought really started a few months back when I posted something on Facebook.  It was something along the lines of "I can't believe all these teachers who take selfies of each and every outfit every single day."  My VERY WISE friend, Brittany, made the comment that we all have to have hobbies.

For some reason that slapped me in the face.  She was so right.  I was so wrong.  Who did I think I was trying to judge these people?  I love spending hours editing pictures while blaring music and some people think that is dumb.  That's just how I'm wired.  If there are people out there wired to find joy in fashion and post about it each day - DO IT!  I'm all about people finding joy!

From that moment, I truly felt like I became less "judgy."  When someone posted something that I used to think was silly, a little Brittany would come to mind telling me, "We all need hobbies."

We are all created so differently, and thank God for that!  This world would be so boring with a whole bunch of me out there.  And I'm not fishing for compliments here - the world would be so boring with a whole bunch of you too.  ;)  The same of anyone would just be a snooze. 

Then I started reflecting about my marriage more.  Cody and I used to fight a lot when we first got married.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.  Some of the fights were petty and stupid, and some were about some pretty important issues.  Looking back though, I realize that we just didn't truly "get each other" just yet.  Sure, we had dated for years, but living together was something so completely different.  It wasn't until I finally accepted who he was and he did the same that we started really enjoying our marriage.

Our marriage is just plain fun to me now.  Cody is so very different than me in so many different ways.  Apparently he is an otter and I'm a golden retriever when it comes to the Smalley personality test.  :)  That's why we work.  He is the humor to my seriousness.  I am the organized planner to his carefree spirit.  He is the social butterfly to my social awkwardness.

We have learned the art of respectful compromise.  I used to hate when he was out with the guys so much, but now I get why he needs that.  He also understands when I go to dinner with my girlfriends every other Wednesday.  We are more in tune with how the other is wired now and we have a healthier marriage because of that.

All that to say, I've just been restless today.  I'm itching to get back in my classroom.  I'm ready to see my students.  I actually want to go back to work. 

Now before you start feeling sorry for my daughter, I should let you know that she told me two days ago she was ready to go back to school and see her friends.  We've had a blast and I love spending time with her so much.  I'm pretty sure she feels the same way - at least I hope so.  We just also enjoy other things.

And for once, I'm okay with that.

But with that said, I also get why some moms are stay at home moms.  That's how they are wired.  It doesn't make them better than me.  It doesn't make me better than them.

It just makes us - well, us.

Here We Go Again!

Blame it on Disney Magic.

Blame it on my friends who are posting pictures of Disney this week and two weeks ago.

Blame it on childhood memories.

Whatever is to blame, it happened. 

The Bush Family is going back to Disney!!!  We officially booked it today!  This time it will be right before Christmas!  That's a long time to wait, but it will be worth it!  We can't wait!  This time K knows, so we won't have to not talk about it in front of her! 

I've already got two alarms in my phone - one for dining reservations and one for the new FastPass+ system. 

I'm giddy!!!

It will be a little over a year since the last visit, but I don't care.  K is only young once.  We've booked it early so that we can make smaller payments and honestly, money will come and go.  We're very conservative with our money most of the time.  Things like this are worth it to me.  As I said, K is only young once.  Pretty soon the days of make believe will be gone.  K starts kindergarten this year and I know her eyes will be opened up to things she's never seen before - both good and bad.  Cody and I want to take every opportunity we can to keep her young.  Disney is the perfect answer to us!  It doesn't hurt that we both love it as well!! 

So, 348 days to go!  :)

Bubbles

Yesterday was cold and windy.  Tomorrow is supposed to be the same.  Today, however was in the 60s and very nice.  Texas weather - go figure.

K and I took advantage of the beautiful weather more than once today.  She loves playing outside and has always loved bubbles.  She adored the bubble machine as a baby and now still giggles with a belly laugh when her bubbles go above the roof of our house.

Today Nolan even found the joy in bubbles and was chasing them only to bite them.

I love days like today and it makes my heart ache a little bit knowing that K won't stay this young and carefree forever.

Picture This

I know, I know...I was horrible with keeping up with the dad gum elf.  I promise I did move it every night and take a picture.  I just didn't post the pictures on the blog like I told everyone I did.  I honestly thought I was saving my Facebook friends from the annoyance of seeing "the elf picture" each day, but I was scolded by so many people for not keeping it up - even my mom!  So, I promise that I will eventually post the rest of the pictures here.

Speaking of pictures...

My husband blew me away with my Christmas gift this year.  For real.  I wasn't expecting it - I don't deserve it - I still can't believe he got it.  Amazement.  That's the only word I can use for it.  :)

This might not excite most of you (you know, my like five readers), but that sweet man bought me a new camera.  Not just any new camera - but a Canon 5D Mark III.  He knows how much I love photography and wanted me to become better.  Now, I do not claim to be a professional by any means, other than in the teaching world that is, but I do love photography and it is my number 1 hobby.  I have SO SO SO much to learn, but I love that I do because it keeps me on my toes.  I felt like I had just become comfortable with my old camera and most of the lens I have, but now I have a new challenge to tackle and even if I'm frustrated, I'm loving it!

Side note: I HATE when people say, "That camera takes great pictures!"  Yes, sometimes the right tools help, but you never hear someone say, "Wow.  That pot makes the best dinners ever!"  It all takes practice and learning, and for me lots of it!  I've taken a photography class at the local university here, and I've read several books, visited websites for tutorials, but I'm still not a pro and don't claim to be.  But it still irks me when people think that a picture I take is good because of my camera.  I promise that just handing my camera off to someone usually results in unfocused pictures of myself and family.  Not that I haven't done that on my own before, but my point is it's not as easy as simply buying a better camera.  Better cameras do take better pictures, but only if used correctly.

I'm still learning.  :)

But now I get to learn with a better tool thanks to my awesome, supportive husband.

I've been thinking about resolutions...I've never been too great at keeping them, but I've always thought it is important to set goals for yourself.  A new year just lends itself to new goals.  So one of my goals is to take more pictures.  That's hard to believe if you know me on Facebook.  Obviously I want to learn to take better pictures, but I also want to take more pictures of our everyday life.  I don't want to just take pictures on holidays or other special occasions.  I want to capture K's growing up in other ways.

I love looking at old pictures of my brother and I growing up.  Some of the best pictures to me are the ones for day to day things like us playing in our room or on the couch with our grandparents.  Sure the Christmas ones or birthday ones are great, but I want to remember the in between times as well.

So are the first few "in between pictures" using my new camera.  :)

This was K "relaxing" on the couch as she called it.  Darcy loves K's soft blanket.  K was pretending to be annoyed with Darcy, but she loves when Darcy is laying on her.  

This one I caught with my zoom lens from the hallway outside of K's room.  She's playing her LeapPad and very intensely at that!  Yes, her bed is unmade, and yes, she is wearing a dance costume.  ;)

K and Cody both got haircuts today.  This was when Cody first came home from work.  They were checking out each other's haircuts, and obviously K was more involved with the task!

Cody left to go hunting for the last time this season, so it was a girls' night for us tonight.  We ordered dinner from La Madeleine and picked up Sonic drinks on the way home.  I wanted to take this picture because these two things are two of K's very favorite right now - a cherry slush and a French vanilla fruit parfait.  

Power, Pancakes, and Perspective

Yesterday I was angry.  I was angrier than I have been in quite some time.  I truly feel like it takes a lot to get me upset like that, but when I get that way, watch out.  Just ask my parents or my husband.  I'm pretty sure my dad even told Cody before he married me that he had yet to see me truly mad and to get ready for it.

I'm not proud of it, but it's something inside of me that I have to keep fighting.

Thank goodness for a great best friend/accountability partner that helped me through most of it yesterday.  ;)

You see, we had a pretty nasty ice storm here in North Texas starting Thursday night.  We all knew it was coming and my husband, who works for the power company, was already starting to put in long hours at work.  They were all gearing up for the massive power outages that were expected.  They were right - at one point I think there were 276,000 without power in North Texas alone.  My husband was literally working around the clock, and at one point worked 33 hours before finally getting some sleep.  Yes, they are supposed to have breaks, but it doesn't happen like it should - especially when you're higher up in the company.

Then the negative posts on Facebook started showing up - everything from calling Oncor lazy, saying how horrible they were, how unreliable they were, and as one person so eloquently put it, "Oncor sucks."  Each comment made me angrier and angrier.  I finally commented on one post (like my husband had asked me NOT to do) and put a status update of my own defending Oncor and the workers.

What I found was lots of support, but then people attacking the very people I was speaking against.  That's when I knew what I did was wrong.  I was no better than them complaining at that point.  I was doing the exact same thing, but I felt entitled to it.  I was defending my husband in my mind.  But when I truly stopped to think about it, I knew it was wrong and I took both my post and status down.  That's not the kind of example I want to be to my daughter.  I can't very well teach her to ignore comments if I can't do the same. 

What is it about people today that makes them feel so entitled?  Is it the instant gratification society we live in now?  We all feel like we are the center of the universe and that everyone else should be serving us.  Forget that a power company called guys in from their vacations in Kansas (that happened to a guy at my husband's office), forget that there are workers driving on the VERY dangerous roads, forget that there are linemen working out in the elements, forget all that, because my goodness I DESERVE to have my power turned back on right now!

I wish I could say that I went to bed with a happy heart yesterday, but I didn't.  I was still so very upset and actually very disappointed in myself for letting someone have that my control over my feelings.  My husband was having to sleep at his office again and when I did have a few minutes to talk to him I could tell he was very stressed...and exhausted.  It broke my heart.  Meanwhile, those that were complaining were with their families and not working...just complaining.  I even saw someone post something along the lines of, "Are the Oncor workers going to come put up our Christmas lights and drink the hot chocolate we should be drinking right now?"  Really???  Guess what buddy?  They aren't doing those things with their families either!

This morning I told myself (and a very good friend) that I just needed to stay off Facebook and ignore the people that were complaining.  But again I didn't want let someone else's actions have control over me so I got on Facebook anyway.

I'm so glad I did.

One of my college professors posted that she had made 17 pancakes this morning and only got to eat one.  Complaining?  Nope.  After that she said - thankful for growing boys!

Perspective my friends, perspective.

She didn't feel entitled to what she had worked for.  She was joyful because of what she was able to give.  She was thankful for what she had - not complaining about what she didn't have.

I needed this so much today.

She reminded me that we need to all stop feeling so entitled and count our blessings instead.

Yes, you might not have power in your house, but friend, you have a house.  You have your family.  You have kids!  There are people out there they have none of those things!  There are people in this world that don't know where their next meal is coming from and here we are complaining about losing a little bit of food from our fridge that we can easily replace later.  I'm complaining about my husband not being home and there are military families that go months, and even years without seeing their family members.

Perspective.    

So often we forget about our blessings.  We forget that all the other days of the year we do have power.  We forget the workers that make that possible.  We forget that when our kids are driving us crazy that we are able to be parents while others are yearning for that very blessing. 

I forget that others have to be away from their families when the weather is good for their jobs - car salesmen, retail, etc.

Shame on me.

It's a lot like how we forget all the good things God does for us on a daily basis.  We forget that He woke us up this morning, yet we will be the first ones to ask why He lets something bad happen.   We question things like why does my father-in-law have cancer, but think nothing of my second niece being born. 

We all are so selfish - so self absorbed - so "me centered." 

Someone else of Facebook posted this and I found so much truth in it.  Let us all remember that there are others out there - some struggling, some that are better off than us, but we're all here friends.  Let's try to all live together with a little be more compassion and empathy.  

Sparkle 2013 - Day 8

Of course Sparkle took K up on her sweet offer.  She left a note thanking her as well.  

Sparkle 2013 - Day 7

 One of K's favorite shows right now is Jake and the Neverland Pirates, and she plays with these toys all the time!  Sparkle wanted to get in on the fun too!

I took this picture right after K went to bed.  She told Sparkle that she didn't have to back to the North Pole in the ice storm and that she could stay at our house.  She then took her scarf and made Sparkle a bed and even left a stuffed animal.  Not one bit of that was prompted by Cody or me.  I am so thankful for K's compassionate heart!