I Did it My Way

So, as the overplayed song says, "I Did It My Way." Of course my way isn't always what is considered "best" these days and frankly, I'm tired of hearing about why it's not.

I'm talking about my parenting skills. Yep. I'm going there.

Let me start off by saying I did not read Babywise. As soon as the other mommies my age stop gasping we'll get back to other things I did wrong. I know that some moms think this trendy book is the end all for parenting and the fact that I didn't read it is shocking and appalling to you. For that I'm sorry....

Wait...I'm actually not sorry, but I'll get to that later.

So if I were to think about all the things I've done "wrong" as a mom these days I could go on and on. But here's the shortened version if you will:

1. I had a c-section. I know that lots of women have this drawn out birth plan and think that having a baby with no drugs will be a spiritual and moving experience....that's awesome for them. But when the doctor says, "Hey Heather we have to get her out now or she's probably not going to make it," there's no question in my mind of what I'm going to do. But even if her birth wasn't an emergency I still would have opted for the drugs.

2. I didn't nurse. I tried. I took supplement after supplement and tried home remedy after home remedy. Nothing ever happened. I've actually been told by people that I should have tried harder. I've read all the benefits of nursing and I'm sure it's a wonderful thing. It's just not one of the things that I got to experience.

3. I didn't teach my baby sign language. Nope - not even one single sign.

4. I didn't make my own baby food. I bought and tried pretty much every baby food flavor that Gerber makes. Now Kaitlyn is way past the baby food and I give her processed food. I give her frozen chicken nuggets and pancakes. Sure I throw fresh fruit and veggies into the mix, but she does eat frozen and packaged food. She also eats at Taco Bueno and McDonalds - even though I think McDonalds is beyond gross.

5. I work full time and when you're a teacher full time means that you don't leave at 3:30. It also means that maybe you don't see your kid until later that night or that your kid might be up at school with you late hours for PTA meetings or what not. I also take my kid to school twice a week in the summer when I'm not teaching - for the whole school day.

I know, I know...I'm a horrible mom right? At least that's what "they" make me feel like sometimes. But here's the deal - I don't believe I'm a horrible mom. I think I'm actually pretty good at it and I'm not afraid to say that.

As I said...

I had a c-section. I didn't feel one single thing from my chest down and I still feel like I had an amazing spiritual journey as I had Kaitlyn.

I didn't nurse, but somehow my daughter still knew how to bond with me and she has been healthy.

I didn't teach K sign language, yet she still learned how to communicate her needs to me.

So why do I feel the need to justify myself as a mom? I thought about this a lot today. It consumed me more than I would like to let on, but the fact is it did. I think it stems from a combination of things, but mainly because of what I hear and read about from my other mom friends. I'm not trying to start things and I'm not trying to be "snippy," but I feel I should be able to voice my opinion on things too.

You see, moms love to help other moms out. I know for one I loved getting to see my sister-in-law with my niece right before Kaitlyn was born. She was amazing with her daughter and I learned so much from her in just a few days and I think it better prepared me to be a mom. That was my first real time around a brand new baby and I was amazed at my sis-in-law's strength. She is, by the way, an amazing mom to my now TWO nieces. :)

I'm so thankful that she was there for me if I needed to ask someone what I thought was a silly question or if I needed to just vent about the stresses a new mama feels. All moms need people like that.

But with that said, I also want it known that my sis-in-law never once told me anything I was doing was wrong. Never once. Even if she thought it she never let on. I love and respect her so much for that.

I'm going to go a bit off topic here, but we have a team at our school. It's called the Restart team. The purpose of the Restart team is to help teachers with students that they are struggling with, be it academic or behaviorally. I'm on this team and have been what we call a case manager. Case managers are not allowed to give their opinion on a child and are not allowed to tell a teacher what to do with a child. Case managers are to guide another teacher's thinking and help that teacher think deeper about their own student. The ownership is with the student's teacher - not the case manager. The case manager is there for support. So yes, even when I've been supporting another teacher I've wanted to say, "You should do it this way" But I don't - I can't. And eventually the teacher is better because of it. Does that mean I don't bounce ideas back and forth with other teachers? No - not at all! But I would never dare tell a teacher why I think what they are doing is all wrong.

Hmmm....I'm thinking I like this methods for other mothers. We all need to be so careful to tell mothers that there is only one right way to do things. If you as a mother want to share your successes, by all means - share them!! Let me celebrate with you. But don't in turn tell me what I'm doing is wrong and list a bunch of facts and figures about why I am wrong.

I've been teaching kids for seven years now, and I've learned that children are amazing blessings capable of so, so many things, but kids are different. They learn differently and will develop differently. If you want to argue with me come teach my class for one day using the same level book for each kid. I dare you.

Kids are different. Parents are different. Family situations are different. Those differences are what make life interesting. Do I judge those moms that have at a home water birth? Not for one single second. I think they are amazing people and I love that that is their journey. Do I think moms that stay at home are not fulfilled? Nope - not at all. That's their calling and I will pray for them and support them in any way I can. Just please be respectful of my choices and realize that I'm doing what's best for MY child and MY family.

I love Kaitlyn Grace will all my heart. Am I the perfect mother to her? No. I could always be better, but I'm not sorry for one single thing I've done or am currently doing concerning her. I haven't done what is trendy in motherhood these days, but somehow she has turned out to be this incredible, polite, spunky little girl that brings such joy to my life. Is every day with her perfect? Not even close, but do I feel it's my fault and the result of me not doing some "mama method" that someone told me I should?

Nah - it's just our real life and I'm loving every single second of it.

The Proposal....again

So I know so many people have been waiting for me to write this entry, and I've waited until over a month after this happened to do so. Sorry. I've been having way too much fun playing with Kaitlyn this summer! :) So here it goes.

For my birthday this year Cody proposed to me. Yes, we're already married, so some people might think we're crazy. But those people don't know the whole story. You know, that story that always comes up when you're friends with girls - the "How did he propose?" story.

Hmmm...how did Cody propose the first time? All you need to know is that it was a foot away from a toilet.

Yep. You read that right the first time. A toilet. No, I wasn't using it (that's beyond gross). If you don't know the full story and want to, read this.

I wrote that a few years ago. At that time I not so jokingly would respond to Cody's, "What do you want for your birthday or Christmas?" questions with, "A new proposal." He never did and I eventually just stopped saying it for fear I was really hurting his feelings.

Then my birthday came this year. I 100% thought we were going to have a normal, yet fun day. When he had asked what I wanted to do I said I wanted more than anything to have a family day - meaning us doing something with Kaitlyn and going out to a nice, oh I don't know, Mexican dinner. That's always a safe bet with me.

So the day of my birthday that's how things started out. Cody went and got us all doughnuts and we had a fun family breakfast. My mom called and asked if K and I wanted to go to lunch later which we did. The rest of the day we played with Kaitlyn and just spent time together as a family. I thought it was perfect and quite honestly one of the best birthdays in a long time. For dinner I thought Cody was going to take us to Joe T Garcia's in Fort Worth, so I was mentally preparing for that.

Later on, a little after 5:00 Cody told me he had to go get my birthday present. In my mind I didn't think anything different was going on. Cody is known to wait until the last minute for gifts so I figured he either had something made or transferred to another store and it wasn't ready until then. So when he left I started to clean the kitchen thinking nothing of it.

And just a side note - I wish I could have a maid that only cleaned the bathrooms and the kitchen. My life would be so much easier!

But back to our story....

Soon after Cody left the doorbell rang. I looked through our peephole and saw Cody's parents standing there with a gift. I thought it was weird that they didn't call, but simply thought maybe they had told Cody they were stopping by and he forgot what time or forgot to tell me or something along those lines. Again, I had no idea at this point anything different was going on. I opened the door, complete with dish towel slung across my shoulder, and let them in. Cody's dad had his new video camera on. At this point you would think most people would think something was up, but we had gone over to Cody's parents' house the night before for his mother's birthday. They had just bought the camera that day and were taping lots of things, so in my mind I thought Cody's dad was still having fun playing with his camera.

But then Cody's mother started talking....

She looked at me with this sneaky type smile and said they were here to pick up Kaitlyn and that I need to change into something nice. I told her that I needed to get some things ready for K, but she told me that they already had a packed bag and that everything concerning Kaitlyn was taken care of. She also handed me a clue.

Yep, now I knew something was up. :)

The clue was in a legal size envelope with the clasps and I was told to read it aloud...for the camera of course.

I looked down at the paper and the first thing I read was Clue #3. I told Cody's mother I think I had the wrong clue, but she just smiled and told me to keep reading. Hmmm....

So this is what I read:
First: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you enjoy your birthday gift. You will be given clues throughout the evening to take you to some places. As you can see, my parents will take Kaitlyn. Put on something nice that you have. Call me last resort!!! Jump in your car (PUT NOLAN UP!!!) and see clue below:

Fate is definitely what got us here today
But think really hard about what I am going to say
You said you knew when you heard my name
But don't go to the hall during this part of the game
It's in the same room we would sing in a pack
When you've got it figured out, go to the back

So I knew I was headed to Lamar High School. That's where Cody and I first met and I had a bit of a crush on him.

Okay, so it was a huge crush. :)

So I quickly ran upstairs and changed into something else and applied a bit more makeup and headed to my car. As soon as I turned on the car a cd started up. The first song I heard was "I Can Only Love You Like a Man." Little did I know how perfect this song would be later on....

The whole cd was full of songs that were special to us. I. love. that. cd. And it hasn't left my car since.

So of course at this point I'm thinking he's going to have clues taped up in certain spots and we'll end up at dinner. Seriously, that's what I thought and I was thrilled. But then I pulled into the Lamar parking lot.

That's when I see our friends Kim and Cory. Okay, so Cody planned a bit more than I thought....

Kim and Cory also had a clue and were videoing me. This is what I read in the next clue:

Very good grasshopper! I hope you said hi to the Leman family! I tried to make that clue easy to figure out. I may not be so nice in future clues. If you can't figure out where you are going, I will try to provide you a life line, but try not to use them. That is almost considered cheating!

This place we didn't frequent but the biggest of all
The setting if you remember was some time in the Fall
We were nervous; we were scared at what was to come
All I knew at the time was you made life fun
If we knew at the time this would bring forever bliss
Go to the first place we sealed our love with a kiss

Don't go inside, just look for something familiar to the both of us.


Well, I knew where our first kiss was - I just didn't know how to get there anymore. It was at our friend Melissa McKaime's old house. I looked at Kim and Cory and told them I had no clue where to go and they told me to turn on my GPS when I got in the car. I did only to find out that Cody had programmed the address in the GPS for me. I later found out that he had contacted Melissa, who in turn had to contact her mom, who contacted the new owners of the house to tell them what he was doing. Cody thought this thing through very hard! :)

Before I got to Melissa's old house I got a phone call from Cody telling me I needed to turn around because I had left something with Kim and Cory. I for sure wasn't going to argue with him, so I turned around and basically we killed time until Cody said it was okay. I knew something wasn't ready, but at this point I didn't care. In a few minutes Cory was given the okay that I could leave, so back to Melissa's house I went.

I pulled onto the street and soon saw my precious niece jumping up and down and waving the next clue. My sister-in-law, Candy, and brother-in-law, Casey, were there as well. They had a video camera on me the whole time just like the others.

I was sensing a common theme here.

The clue they gave me read:

That was easy enough, wasn't it? Casey & Candy looked excited didn't they??? At this time, you probably know where you are going next...Be careful not to jump the gun, there's a twist! Keep following the clues and you may find me. I don't know...you may even see me...

This clue is my favorite because of the meaning
When you talk about dating this is the beginning
Sad for the future but happy from the past
No matter what happens our memories will last
You can read by it, see with it, and do many more things
Go to the place that's made of wax and strings

That was an easy one for me - it was Candlelite Inn which is where we had our first real date. We had been pretty bummed to hear that it was closing and that's what all the references to being sad he made were about.

As I drove up there I saw our friends Ben and Cindy. Again with the taping - again with the clue.

You knew that one would be in there right? Did Ben & Cindy tell you GO MAVS?! I hope more than anything Ben didn't say Gig 'em! It pains me to even type that phrase...We are over halfway through this so you can SMELL the prize right now!!!

We go here a lot and this I do mean
I drink lots of water, you steal the caffeine
One glorious day though not done quite right
I asked you for your hand one February night (day, but it rhymed)
You completed my life, how happy we'd be
Go directly to the spot I got on one knee


Next stop - my parents house - specifically my room - more specifically my bathroom suite...yep... by THE toilet. The caffeine reference is something to blog about later...a bit of a family tradition if you will. :)

Now my dad was out of town, but my mom was there and you guessed it - she was filming me as well. But she didn't have a clue. So I went to the spot where Cody had asked and there was my clue.

Your mom knew about this and kept it from you?!? What is going on?!? Before you leave your parents' house, look in your closet....Put that dress on! Just thought it would be something nice!

This place is a LEGEND to me and to you
We had such a blast, hey, Joe Jackson wore that shoe (NOT)
The best night of my life, it was really nice
I can still hear it now, "This is paradise!" (Almost)
I knew from that day you'd fill up my heart
Remember that guy saying, "Don't touch that tarp!"

Again, don't go inside just look for some friends!

That would mean the Ballpark in Arlington. We had our wedding reception there and took pictures on the field. We got in trouble with security for touching the tarp on the pitcher's mound, but since Cody pitched in college and we were down there we just had to. :) But before I went I opened my closet. Cody had actually picked out a nice dress (in my size thankfully!) and even had two shoe options there for me. I married a smart, smart man.

On to the ballpark I went.

After a loopy turning around trip trying to park, I found Rex and Brenda with of course a camera and a clue. I cannot even begin to tell you how precious those two are to us. I just love them! Next clue:

Bet you didn't expect to see that!!! I know how much you love the Schimpfs and I do too! We have so many families to look up to! So close to the end now I bet you can taste it!

This destination is special for not only you and me
We will build the foundation for our family
When I think of this place and that wonderful day
I remember your beauty taking my breath away
Our family is rooted where we'll blossom and grow
To the place with the cross is where you must go!

Next stop - our church. :)

At the church I saw the Cain family with their precious Carson...who if arranged marriages work out might just marry Kaitlyn one day. :) They had the next clue which was finally the last one!

You have made it to the last clue!! The Cains were both excited to do this! I'll show you on facebook later...Well, I hope this has been fun for you! It came together like clockwork...I did all of this to prove to you that you are worth it Heather! Your smile lights up my day! I know I've messed up your birthday in the past and hopefully this makes up for it! Well, here it goes:

I hope you kept each clue that you've received
The last clue will be found in all of thses
Look back through them all and find what I mean
A number, a letter, it's one of these things
Whether C or a L or an I or a Z
A 4 or a 5 or and 8 or a 3.

The three was also written in marker and circled. :) I had noticed that at the top of every clue Cody had typed Clue #3. I honestly thought maybe that was the first clue he had typed and just forgot to change the number as he typed the other ones. Nope - even that was part of his plan. Clue 3 had taken me to Candlelite Inn and that's where I needed to head back to...at least that's what I thought and them Jamie and Aaron told me I was right. :)

So I drove back to Candlelite Inn. Any of you that know Arlington know now that this whole little adventure took me just under two hours! I walked in and there was Cody right at the front. Behind him were all our friends and family that had helped in his plan - and of course there were several video cameras on us! Cody then said some pretty amazing things and got down on his knee and asked me to marry him....again.

SOOOOOO much better than the proposal by the toilet!

He also told me that since he was proposing again we would need something to celebrate. Cody had already contacted our music minister (who just happens to be the coolest!) and had set up for us to renew our vows on our anniversary.

So there you have it. My pretty normally non romantic husband of almost five years did that. All of that. Normally whenever he tries anything romantic I can figure it out and I just try to act surprised. This time I was 100% surprised and had no clue that he was up to anything. He made me feel so special and loved that night and I can honestly say it was the best birthday present I have ever received!


We don't have all of the videos put together yet, but here is the actual reproposal part.

"Young lady!"

It happens to me all the time as a teacher. I hate it more and more each time someone does it. I have even sent group emails out about it and stood up at a faculty meeting and expressed my opinion on the matter. Yet it still happens. Every teacher knows what it feels like. You finally get "that kid" to get in line and walk quietly in the hallway which is a miracle in itself. You continue to walk down the hall feeling quite proud of the fact that "that kid" isn't screaming, tearing something down off the wall, hitting, etc. and then it happens. Out of nowhere you hear another teacher's voice, "(Insert "that kid's" name here), your hands need to be behind your back!" or "Tuck that shirt in!" You cringe and know it's going to set "that kid" off in 3...2...1....boom. There it is. You give that other teacher a slight smile that has the "please next time mind your own business look" behind it as you try to calm "that kid" back down. But it will happen again because there are just those teachers who feel the need to correct every child in the school. They do not always know or think about all the work it took just for the baby steps to occur. It is my biggest pet peeve regarding a faculty. DON'T DISCIPLINE MY STUDENTS!!! I'm right there and believe it or not, this is not my first pony ride and I can control my class. Thanks. :)

But now with my own kid it's a whole other ballgame. There are lots of people who can "discipline" my kid. Meaning, if you're my child's teacher at preschool, Sunday school, dance, or any other similar setting - by all means, ask/tell her to do whatever you want. As far as I'm concerned, you're the boss. If she is over at either set of grandparents' houses she'd better listen to whatever they say as well. I have also told certain friends that they are allowed to correct my kid if they see her actin' a fool. My wonderful sis-in-law, Candace, and amazing friend, Jamie, that's you in case you both forgot. :) This came after I saw a few kids at a softball game taking toys away from my kid as their mother watched and did nothing. As a mother, I didn't want to correct this woman's kids when she was right there, but it finally got to the point where K was very bothered by it so I just removed her from the situation. Was I a Mama wimp? If that's what you want to call it so be it, but I am not going to discipline someone else's kids when they are standing less than two feet away from me. Not my job.

But on Sunday something happened that hasn't happened before (which really surprises me once I stop and think about it) but it rubbed me the wrong way and I just wasn't expecting it.

Cody wanted to go to Colter's...not my favorite, but it was Father's Day and he called the shots....but I digress.

So there the three of us were after church at Colter's. I was in the front with my tray because my husband is one of those awesome guys who still believes in ladies first. He was behind me with his tray and K was a little bit between us. K was not being bad at all in my eyes. She was walking when we were walking, not screaming, not running. She was however, touching the floor with her hands. Gross I know. No telling what was on that floor, but that's also why we wash hands right? Unless someone has made some kind of magic force field I'm unaware of I'm still under the impression that kids get dirty. But last time I checked, kids are also washable. So the mother in me said, "Let it go, I'm not going to fight that battle right now because she's not bothering anybody and we'll simply wash her hands before she eats." No biggie right? But then it happened - I hear, "Young lady, get your hands off that dirty floor - especially when you're in that pretty dress." HOLD UP! I turned around to see an older lady who was a total stranger with her face in my daughter's face and she was scolding her. Simmer down Mama, simmer down. I took a deep breath and went to grab K's hand and walked her up to stand by me. My heart was pumping. Who did this lady think she was? I was shocked that she felt the need to get on to my child. I know, I know, it takes a village - blah, blah, blah. But it's not like she was touching this lady's food, hurting anyone, or anything along those lines. And both of her parents were right there. I was furious and wasn't quite sure why. But I did notice that I flashed my new friend one of those teacher smiles that had the "please next time mind your own business look" behind it. Luckily the whole thing didn't set K off into a screaming, crying fit or anything like that. But it did embarrass her and she was visibly sad for a small bit. Do I think she'll be scarred for life? Absolutely not, but the fact that this lady felt the need to say anything to her about it irritates me. Cody and I are trying so very hard to do the Love and Logic approach when it comes to discipline and so far it's worked wonders. I want to stick to that, but scolding her for touching the floor isn't part of it.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill - probably. But like I said, it rubbed me the wrong way and I hope it doesn't happen again anytime soon. What do you other mamas think???

Youth Camp Mini Lesson

Cody and I went to our church's youth camp this past week. We've been sitting in with high school seniors since January so we can be prepared to work with the group next year. To say they are awesome would be an understatement. But in order for us to go to camp we had to bring Miss K with us. :) That wasn't always an easy task - the rec time was during her nap time (which was also the hottest part of the day) so Mama and K didn't get to participate in that...too bad those kids didn't see my mad skills huh? ;) And a lot of the fun stuff at night was WAY after her bedtime so I would have to leave early. The messages were of course way over her head, but when I would take her back for nap time or bedtime I would try to read some of the same scripture to her or talk about the same thing, but on a more basic-I'm-two-years-old-level. :P I was so excited when the guest pastor referenced Zacchaeus because I knew Kaitlyn knew a song about him. That's where the below video is from. :) My favorite thing from camp though was when we were walking to breakfast one day and Kaitlyn saw all the youth walking and she threw up her hands and said, "All these people praying to God." Love it! :)

*Reminder to myself to repost the video since I moved this entry from my old blog*

Sweets for my Sweeties

In my quest to try new things in the kitchen I've come across some pretty cool food blogs. Honestly, I think the internet is by far the coolest "modern" thing for our generation. I could go on and on about that, but I won't. But cooking blogs - amazing. I've already tried two new recipes for dinner this week that both Kaitlyn and Cody loved so I think it's easy to say I'm addicted to these blogs.

I came across these strawberries filled with a cream cheese base filling. Now, mine aren't quite as pretty as the ones on the blog because my icing tips are out of commission right now since I accidentally churned an essential part in my disposal a few weeks ago. I keep forgetting to go buy the part I need. So I used just a ziplog baggie with the end cut off. Not so pretty, but let's face it - it will taste the same. :) I still posted a picture of mine anyway.

Cody is at church right now and I'm holding off on eating these guys until he comes home. I'm weird like that. I want us to try new things at the same time. I love seeing his face because that's the real test. If I taste it before, I'm always too critical and then he ends up loving it, or I'm thinking it's amazing and he just thinks it's okay. So now I wait. But these are seriously making my mouth water just thinking about them. I did maybe taste the filling part and it was awesome. :)
K also got to taste a little bit of the filling and her response was, "I need a fork please." I'll take that as a good sign.

K and I didn't go to church because she's had a fever since Thursday night. She's been fever free for over a day now, but I'm still not going to be THAT mom that brings her kid to church to get all the other kids sick. You're welcome. I'm thankful that our church has the 9:30 service on t.v. It's such a blessing on days like today.

I'll update later about the result of the strawberries. :)




***UPDATE***
All three Bush family members approve of this yummy treat! Looks like we add another dessert to our menu! :)

So Lucky!

What a great St. Patrick's Day I had this year! I'm on Spring Break and have been with K all week. Being a teacher is the perfect mom job! Each day K begged me to go to school, which I guess it's a good thing that she loves it so very much, but I wanted her to myself this week. But I did need to make a major grocery store run and those are sometimes better solo, so I took K to school for a little bit - long enough to see her friends and discover that a pesky leprechaun had been there. :) (Have I mentioned I LOVE her school?)

So I ran some errands - which also consisted of hitting up the grand opening of Nordstrom's Rack in Arlington that just happens to be two doors down from DSW...dangerous territory I tell you, dangerous. I walked away with not one pair, not two pairs, but FIVE pairs of shoes.

I may have a slight problem.

After my errand running I picked up K and we headed for Ulta. Ever since she figured out Mama has painted toenails she's wanted her's painted. I wanted her to pick out the color she wanted. All day long she told me she wanted red and she stayed true to herself and picked out a classic red color that I loved painting on her toes later that night. We turned on Mickey Mouse so that she was still while they dried and it worked like a charm. Before the nail painting occurred K and I went to walk around the park. The weather was beautiful and just called for it. :)

Daddy took us both out to dinner later and then we did a little more shopping. At the end of the day I was beat, but in such a blessed and thankful way. After K was in bed Cody and I put in a movie and I decided to go through some more of K's clothes that are too small to give away. I always get a little weepy when I do that because I can remember certain things we did when she was wearing certain things and I know that she is growing up way too fast. It's hard to believe that she'll be three this year. Three - no way.

Call it luck if you want, but I'm going to call it a blessing. I am so very thankful for my sweet family and my heart is so very full of love!

These Things Take Time

I often ask God to speak to me through music, and honestly I think sometimes He does. I know that sounds crazy, but sometimes it's just too coincidental for it not to be God. I also think sometimes when He does this He has a sense of humor (as was the case when I heard Bleeding Love come on the nurses' radio right as my c-section was starting) or sometimes He humbles me.

Today, however, God comforted me through song. Clint's death has made my heart so heavy and had me questioning so much. This morning as I was getting in the car to drive K and I to one of my student's soccer games I opened up Pandora on my iphone and plugged it into my car speakers. I asked God aloud to speak to me through a song. And boy did He. He did so with the very first song friends - the very first song. It was a song I had never heard before. I knew the group, but had never heard the song.

It started....

"I wanna know why pain makes me stronger
I wanna know why good men die."

Okay, God. You heard my cries and now I know You're speaking to me.

"Why am I so afraid of the dark?
But I stray from the light

I wanna know why you gave me eyes
When faith is how I see
And tell me
Is it easier to doubt
Or harder to believe?

Oh there’s so many questions stirring in me

And I wonder why
Sometimes the truth ain’t easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But I’m learning that
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

How could success make us feel like failures?
And the harder we fall the harder we try
The more I have the more I need
Just to feel like I’m getting by

Oh, there’s so many questions and one short life

And I wonder why
Sometimes the truth ain’t easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But I’m learning that
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

And we spend so much time
Chasing our tails, hoping to find
Every last answer
To everything in life

So many questions
Not enough time

But I’m still
Wondering why
Sometimes the truth ain’t easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But I’m learning that
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

We all wanna understand why
Evil lives and good men die
On the way to Heaven the truth unwinds
These things take time
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time"


Wow. Seriously - just wow. Thank you Lord. I know those weren't "Your words" exactly, but they were they words I needed to hear about You right at the right time.

This song honestly wasn't musically the greatest, but the words were awesome and just what I needed to hear.

And in case He thought I needed more words the very next song was "If We've Ever Needed You". That's why I believe - I couldn't even script the way God moves sometimes. He is amazing.

Here are the words to that song:

Hear our cry, Lord, we pray
Our faces down, our hands are raised
You called us out, we turned away
We've turned away

With shipwrecked faith the idols rise
We do what is right in our own eyes
Our children now will pay the price
We need Your light, Lord, shine Your light

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out

All our hearts, all our strength
With all our minds, we're at Your feet
May Your kingdom come in our hearts and lives
Let Your church arise, let Your church arise

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out
We're reaching out



I am so very thankful that there are people who have the gift of putting God's message in better words than I ever could. Songs like these continue to be a blessing in my life.

I will continue to pray for my sweet church family. There are many people hurting right now and will be hurting for a long time. There are also just so many questions, but I am thankful that we serve a God who is bigger than all our pain and doubt.

Photo Challenge Day 12

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Gracious - that's so broad! There are so many things I love. I can't pick just one family member or friend so I chose something I can't imagine living without - music.

Photo Challenge Day 11

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
I seriously hate roaches so much that I couldn't even force myself to post a real picture of one. They make my skin crawl. Gross. Gross. Gross.

Photo Challenge Day 10

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with

Of all the adjectives someone could use to describe me, I don't think crazy would be high up on the list. But if I were to think about the times in my life where I could even halfway call what I was doing crazy I would most likely be with this chick! :) Love you Lauren!

Photo Challenge Day 9

Day 9 - A picture of the person who has got you through the most.
Let's see - saved me from rain storms, nursed me through childhood illnesses and later teenage breakups, college fears, mama fears, and will drop everything she's doing for me at any time? Yep, no contest here - MY MOM

Photo Challenge Day 8

Day 8 - A picture that makes you laugh

This is a picture from my niece, Cadie's, first birthday party. It cracks me up because I'm trying so hard to make the picture a good one despite K looking elsewhere. Cadie had just about had it with pictures and was trying to escape, and poor Candy just looks defeated. Oh the joy of little ones! :)

Photo Challenge Day 7

Day 7 - A picture of your most treasured item

The way I approached this was, what item would I save if my house was on fire? Of course it would be my family and puppy first, but if it came down to an item I think I would have to go for my wedding ring. Of course photos would be a very close second. Makes me really want to back up my photos in a way that can't be destroyed. Anybody want to share how they protect their family photos? I have an external drive that saves me from my computer crashing, but that won't save them in case of a natural disaster. Happy thoughts huh?

Photo Challenge Day 6

Day 6 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.


Someone who I'd trade places with for a day? That's easy. A National Geographic photographer. You get to travel to amazing places, meet amazing people, and get the best camera you could ever imagine. Dream. Come. True. :)

Photo Challenge Day 5

Day 5 - Your favorite memory


Okay, first of all, whoever made this challenge up was crazy to think that you can pick just one for some of these categories. So, I've picked on of my most precious memories to post, but of course I have lots of memories that I love from over my life. My grandmother meant so much to me. She was such a strong woman and taught me so much about being the kind of person I truly want to be. I miss her so much, and can only hope to be half of the amazing woman she was.

This particular picture was her at my wedding.

Photo Challenge Day 4

Day 4 - A night you will remember



September 10, 2008 is a night that neither Cody nor I will ever forget. That afternoon we found out that I was going to have to have an emergency c-section. So the precious little daughter that we thought we were going to meet in late October ended up coming into our lives that night. I remember feeling everything that night - happiness, pain, shock, fear, confusion, stress, panic, joy, but most of all love. Yep, that's for sure a night I'll remember! :)

Photo Challenge Day 3

Day 3 - A picture of the cast of your favorite show.



This was a tough one. I'm more into the reality shows like Say Yes to the Dress, Hoarders, etc. I realize those two are very extreme opposites - I'm weird. Deal with it. :) I also like Iron Chef, but the cast changes each time except for one person, so that was a no go too. So The Office it is. I know some people can't stand the kind of comedy that they use of the show, but I love it. I also love the different sides of the characters that you get to see every now and then.