The Voice of Truth

I've tried so many times to start this post.  I honestly just don't think any words right now will be enough.  With that said, I know whatever I end up writing won't even get close to what I'm trying to express, but I'm doing it anyway.

Yesterday rocked me to the core - as a mother, as a teacher, and quite simply as a human being.  It was like my worst fears from every aspect of my life came true in another town and classroom.  I still cannot wrap my mind around it.  If I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure I want to get to that point.

I had an unique experience with the news yesterday in that I didn't work a full day.  K had her Christmas program at school, so I took the morning off.  As I was driving back to work Cody called me and told me the news.  Immediately I went numb.  Of course any shooting that you hear of will sadden you, but a school?  When he said elementary school, I had to ask him to repeat himself because surely I heard it wrong.  I was just dumbfounded.

I pulled into the parking lot at my school and just sat in my car for a minute.  My kids were at lunch and I had a little while before I had to pick them up.  I've learned over the years that one of the hardest parts of being a teacher is trying to put on a happy face when something terrible has happened.  My first year teaching was the year Katrina hit New Orleans, and trust me I had some hard questions coming from sweet kinder kiddos.  We even had three evacuees that came and joined our class that year.  Those three kids taught me a lot and I am thankful they were in my classroom that year.  It made me a better teacher.  I learned quickly that academics are important, but helping kids to fill loved is an even greater responsibility. 

But as I walked into my school a different kind of sadness came over me.  All I could think about were those parents getting those phone calls.  I was imagining moms at home thinking their child was safe in a classroom and then dropping the phone once they learned the news.  I imagined other parents at work in an office going about their day and then having the world stop.  My heart was heavy knowing the pain they were going through.

As I walked to the cafeteria to pick up my students and saw a lunchroom of innocent children, my eyes started to tear up.  I knew I had to pull it together for the sake of the kiddos, but my goodness it was hard.  I looked into the faces of each one of my students and my heart just ached for those who had just lost their life.  I kept thinking, how could someone do this?  How?  Beautiful, innocent children...

We went back to the room and carried on as usual, although my mind was a million miles away.  We had library at 1:00 and when we arrived, the librarian had a news report on her computer (not to where the kids could see, but I go behind the desk to check in their books).  As I read the report of it now being 20 kids I thought to myself - that's my whole class.  20 kids.  20 parents that will never get to hold their precious child again.  20 empty beds.  20 futures just gone.  How?  Why?

I looked at the carpet where my students were sitting listening to Jack and the Beanstalk.  I looked at their smiles when something funny happened.  Then for whatever reason my mind went to their parents' faces and then the tears really started coming.  I had to get up and leave for just a few minutes.  I went back to my empty classroom and cried a bit and prayed.  I didn't know how to pray or what to pray for - I just asked God for peace knowing that will not come any time soon for those families, students, teachers, and community.

The next thing that happened some people might not believe, but I honestly don't care if they do or not.  I know what happened and my kids know what happened, and quite honestly I am still in awe of it.  I debated whether or not to tell anyone or even write this, but I'm doing it anyway.

When we got back to the room after a while we started up our word work groups.  This means one group of kids is with me at my small group table, while the rest of the kids are in their groups working on various spelling tasks.  One of our classroom ipads was on my presentation cart.  The kids use it for various games and activities, and I also use it for a timer and I play music from Pandora during independent writing time.  Lately we have been listening to Christmas piano music.  As I was working with my group, my mind began to wander again.  I was still so sad thinking of how it happened, what the students in the other classrooms must have heard and felt, what those poor parents were going through, and also how anyone could do such an awful thing.  I literally had so much going on in my mind that I was having a hard time teaching my small group.  I looked up at my students all working at their tables and all of a sudden, with no kids around it, the ipad came on and started playing, "The Voice of Truth." by Casting Crowns.  All my kids were in their seats, and I still have no idea how it turned on and they were just as surprised as I was.  When I got up to look at the ipad, Pandora had been opened and it said it was on quick mix.  I would never play Christian songs in my room for obvious reasons, so the fact that it picked that song was just a fluke thing.  Or maybe it wasn't.  All I know is it was exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment.  Yes, there is evil in this world.  Yes, there is hurt, pain, and so many unanswered questions, but there is also the voice of truth and that's what I need to remember.  As I said, I know this is hard to believe, but all I know is that it really happened.

Do I think the tragedy that happened yesterday was part of God's plan?  No - not for one single second.  Yesterday happened because of a man that had no hope.  Do I think yesterday happened because we have too many guns?  Nope.  As one of my friends put on facebook yesterday, crazy will always find a way.  If not guns, it would have been something else.  There are plenty of children that are killed by drunk drivers, but we're not going to take away alcohol and cars are we?  People who follow the rules will keep doing so, and those who don't will keep breaking them.  Changing laws will not change the bad guys.

So, as sad as it sounds I am not finding comfort in anything on this world.  Not in people, not in events, not in anything.  My hope is found out of this world.  The voice of truth to me is that one day we will be in Heaven and there will be no more pain, tears, or sorrow.  God never said this life would be an easy one, and free will is a scary, scary thing.  But I lean on the voice of truth and the only thing that gives me true comfort is that.

Dismissal yesterday was different.  I walked outside and was taking in how parents were hugging their kids a little longer.  I spoke with a mom of one of my students and she could barely get words out.  Yesterday changed me as a mother and a teacher.  I can't even imagine how those teachers in Connecticut go on with the rest of the school year.  How can they step back into that school and teach students?  I have no idea how those students can go back in that school knowing what happened there.  I can only imagine the nightmares that are about to come.  My heart hurts for those parents who were anticipating the joys of Christmas morning and now will be left with a void.  My heart hurts for the siblings who have lost a part of themselves.  I pray for the whole community - I pray that somehow, someday, they find peace and the voice of truth.


But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Love and Logic

Parenting is hard.  Plain and simple.  Sure, it's a blast and there are so many wonderful things about it, but when you think about how responsible you are for bringing up a child the "right" way it's a bit overwhelming.  

Cody and I are by no means perfect parents and are still learning things each and every day.  Early on in K's life I read the Love and Logic book about discipline.  I loved the ideas that Love and Logic had for the classroom and I was interested to know what the parenting approach was.  The two are very similar and I thought it would be easy to implement from the get go.  I especially love the "going brain dead" part.  Easy enough and keeps me from saying something I will regret later.  

I will admit thought that sometimes I felt like I was going a bit overboard with somethings.  If K argued with me at all I would say, "Uh oh!" and put her in timeout.  It seemed so silly at the time, but man am I thankful for it today!  She is so respectful and I am so thankful I took the little steps before.  Is she perfect?  No way, but I see other kiddos and how they talk to their parents and how it could be.  

Cody took a little longer to get onboard with the whole Love and Logic thing.  He thought the whole thing was ridiculous at first and had the mindset of we're the parents so you'll listen to us no matter what.  It's how most people my age were raised and we turned out just fine, but I think about how exhausted our parents must have been!  Once Cody saw easy it was and how much it worked we double teamed it and the results were even better!  

Cody and I have even had the chance to lead a dvd series of Love and Logic parenting classes for our church twice and once for another church.  I always feel like I have to defend myself because we only have Kaitlyn and I know it's much harder with multiple kids.  Then again I've done it for 8 years with an average of 20 kiddos in a class and if you don't think that takes time and practice please come to my classroom and try it out for a day.  Dare ya!  ;)

I'm writing this today because I was going through some pictures on my computer and found this one from my niece's birthday party that was in August.  She was trying so hard to open her presents and the rest of the kids were crowding around her and "helping."  My sister-in-law had asked them several times to sit down and they just wouldn't listen.  My sweet K never once got out of her seat and looked back and me and gave me a thumbs up.  In that moment I was so thankful for all the time we had put into implementing Love and Logic.  As I said, she is in no way perfect, but I was one proud mama that day.  It was worth all the looks I've received in public for taking her to her "mobile uh-oh spot" or the tears I've seen for making her pay me with toys.  

I'm sure I'll have to read the teen year Love and Logic book too....but quite frankly that scares me to death right now so I choose not to think about it just yet.  I'm enjoying the young years too much right now!

Explorer of the Week

I've never had a star of the week or anything like that, but at my new school each class does it, so I had to figure out something to do.  :)

Since our room is a jungle theme, I came up with having an explorer of the week.  I'm LOVING this so far, and so are the kiddos!

Our explorer has a "job" for each day of the week.  I send home our giraffe bag (thanks to my friend Leigh Anne who gave me the bag!) on Friday and their activities begin the following week.  Here's our schedule:

Monday: Bring back Zeke the zebra with the Star Journal where they have recorded what they did with Zeke that weekend.  (This is probably my favorite part so far because the kids and parents are really getting into this.  Zeke has had his picture taken at a TCU football game, Dave and Busters, a wedding, and has even had his name spelled out with siblings and cousins!)

Tuesday: Bring in the All About Me sheet with photos.  (Most kiddos are bringing in posters)

Wednesday: There is an estimation jar (really more of a tube) that the students can fill with anything.  They record the actual number on a recoding sheet and on Wednesday the class makes estimations before finding out how many pieces are in the jar.  The explorer of the week is not allowed to use more than 100 things.  :)  So far we've had lego pieces (twice) and skittles.  It's awesome to see how the kids are already improving on their estimation skills!

Thursday: The explorer of the week's parents are encouraged to write a letter to the class telling them about their kiddo.  The parents are also encouraged to come eat lunch with their student.  This has been so heartwarming to me!  The letters are just precious and some of the parents have made the lunch a very special time - bringing balloons, favorite lunches, and special desserts.

Friday: The explorer of the week is allowed to bring two items from home for show and tell.  The kids LOVE this one.  :)

Proverbs 31 Wife

What woman doesn't want to be a Proverbs 31 wife?  We hear it all the time, and it sounds good in theory doesn't it?

But guess what?  It's hard.  Plain and simple.

Of course trying to be "perfect" at anything is hard.  That's why I just can't do it.  I've come to accept that.

But just because I can't have perfection doesn't mean I can't give it all I've got.  I've read lots of things about being a Proverbs 31 woman, and honestly I didn't like all of them.  Some made me feel guilty about what I know is my true calling in life - teaching.

Then I came across this book.

Now this is what I had been looking for!!!  I knew after the first few pages this was the book for me.  I immediately related to the author, Sara Horn, on so many levels, and I'm convinced we would be great friends if we ever did meet.  :)

Here's a passage that literally had me laughing aloud (which also got me a goofy look from the hubs):

Who doesn't want her kids to like her so much they bless her or actually pay her a compliment?  Who doesn't want her husband praising her and going on and on about how great the house looks and how good dinner was?  

I felt antsy about this topic, so I did what I always do when I'm stressed.  I cleaned.  The kitchen was a wreck, with papers and odds and ends from my son's first week of the school year all thrown haphazardly onto the counter.  The sink sat full of dishes, and the stovetop hadn't been cleaned in days and stains around the burner had lingered for weeks and weeks.  My husband is a great cook, much better than I am, but not so great at cleaning.  I'm good at cleaning, just not so good at making time for it.  

As I put some things away, I noticed the messy pantry, not to be outdone by the similarly disorganized fridge, so I spent about two hours reorganizing everything.  I pulled things out, I put things back.  I tossed old veggies that were past their prime.  I moved cake-and-cookie decorating stuff out of drawers and into a nearby closet, since I don't use them very often.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have done just that when I'm frustrated about the kind of wife and mother I am.  My kitchen cabinets have been organized so many times due to that exact stress.

The book goes on about how Horn tries for a year to be the best Proverbs 31 wife she can be.  It's funny, sad, and to me - all together amazing.  Horn is so real in her experiences and doesn't leave out the hard times.

This was by far the best book I've read in a long time, and one that has honestly changed my life.  It's also a quick read, well, for me it was.  I couldn't put it down and finished it in less than 12 hours.  I've noticed my attitude has changed and I'm more reflective of the type of wife and mother I am.  I'm letting some things go and stepping up in other areas - because my family is worth it.

I highly recommend all wives to read this book!

There's also a Proverbs 31 Wife blog that Horn has.  Check it out here.

Where Are We

I've never had a "Where Are We" sign.  Crazy to think I'm going into my 8th year and I've never had one.

Trust me - the front office would love for me to have had one.  I cannot tell you the number of times they were trying to find me and I was with my class in the science lab or outside for an activity.

So, I decided after seeing a million pinned on Pinterest this summer I would do it.  Now, I didn't go for a fancy smancy one.  I just stuck to paper and labels this time.

But I kind of like the way they turned out.  :) I used just a notepad from Mardel and printed labels.  I should have probably bought clear labels, but I already had these and goodness knows I've already spent a lot on my classroom this month!

Why oh why is August always the month when I decided I HAVE to have something for my room???

Anyway - back to the signs.  So I used my trusty home laminator and now all I have to do is cut them out and punch a hole in each top for a binder ring.

Now my goal will be to find "that kid" who can remind me to change it each time we leave.  There's at least one in every class.  ;)

Donors Choose

If you are a teacher you NEED to know about Donors Choose.

If you love to support teachers and students you NEED to know about Donors Choose.

Basically, Donors Choose is awesome.  End of story.

Donors Choose is a website where teachers can post projects that they would like to have funded in their classroom.  Teachers can request things from materials, books, furniture, guest speakers, and even field trips.  Other people can read the projects, and then choose to fund them in part or all of it.

Go check it out here.

Amazing huh?

Personally I have had several projects funded.  My brother was the first one who told me about this site, and I have to admit I didn't believe it until the very first box of materials came to my classroom.

In return for the donation, teachers are asked to create a thank you package which includes letters from the students, a letter from the teacher, and pictures of the students using what was bought.  (With signed permissions slips from parents of course!)  But what teacher wouldn't want to send a thank you?

So one of my latest projects was probably one of my most expensive because it was a piece of furniture.  Anyone in the teaching world knows that furniture costs an arm and a leg, so I honestly didn't think this one would get funded.

But on Saturday my amazing parents decided to fully fund the rest of the amount.  Talk about thankful! I love them so much and I love that they support me in teaching.  Both of my parents are/were accountants (my dad actually works for the FDIC now).  They have never once made me feel bad about wanting to serve as a teacher.  They have supported me 100% of the way.  I am forever grateful to them for that.

So this is what I'm getting!  I'm so pumped!!!

So, go check out Donors Choose and good luck!!!

Little by Little ;)

The school I'm transferring to next year is Little and that's how this organizing process is going - little by little.  But it is getting there.  :)

My hubby was off work last Friday and was able to keep K so that I could go sweat it out at school.  I spent a little over six hours there and was able to get a lot of organizing done.  I still have some more to do, but I made a lot of progress.  I moved furniture around a lot and was able to start seeing how our classroom would function.  I'm itching to start the actual decorating part, but I won't let myself until everything is put away for the most part.

This was the very first shelf that I organized.  It's the new home to most of my art supplies.  Labels will come soon!  :)

For the time being my picture books that don't fit on the big shelf had to go above my lockers.  I don't love it, but it is what it is for right now.  See the hanging shelf?  Yeah, it's broken and it almost knocked me out cold the other day.  Oh the surprises that come with a new room!  This is when I'm very thankful I'm married to a man who is quite handy!

See that new cabinet?  I LOVE it!  My friend from high school (who is a kinder teacher) saw my pictures on facebook and asked if I wanted a shelf she had in storage.  Best $20 I've spent in a long time!  I put lot of math materials inside.  The best part?  I can close it!  :)  And that flower garland most likely will not be staying up there.  That was my attempt at taking it away from K without hurting her feelings.  ;)

My desk is hidden behind all those boxes and such.  The kiddos' mailboxes are there, my dry erase paddles, and my listening station books/cds/tapes are in the plastic tubs under the printer table.  My mom and I went fabric shopping the other day and found the cutest jungle print fabric for a curtain to hid the plastic tubs.  I have more storage under that table, but I'm not sure for what yet.  Trust me - I will use it though!  I also cannot wait to cover that chalkboard with paper.  I hate that green with the green on my walls!

One of the things I did on Saturday was tackle this baby.  Apparently the teacher who moved out of my room took most of her curriculum because it was organized in her cabinets and such.  So the teacher whose room she was taking dumped brought all her stuff to my room.

I managed to get it down to this.  I boxed all the decodable readers that I HATE.  Seriously - what kid wants to read books like, "The fat cat sat on the mat."  Ew.  Not sure where those are going yet, but I do not want them in my room!  These were the books that stayed in my keep pile.  

I rubber banded them up and shelved them.  Much better than being all crammed in a box.  It's like I have my own little slice of a bookroom in here.  :)

I still have all these to go through that the other teacher brought over.  SIGH.  

Here is my new rug that I bought at Ross.  I.  LOVE. THIS. RUG!!!!