Rock Bottom with My Rock

This blog post has been a long time coming.  I knew it was going to come to be, I just wasn’t sure when.  I have felt God nudging me to do this so many times before, but I just kept putting it off. 

This morning, however, was one of those slap you in the face, I’m talking to you for goodness sakes kind of mornings.  So here I sit trying to find the right words.  

Today was graduation Sunday at church.  Cody and I have worked with the seniors for the past five years now.  Cody and I both felt that we were being called to work with the youth group, and we had decided to visit different departments to see where we felt we should be.  I can remember our very first time in the senior classroom.  Jeff Williams (who is the new mayor of Arlington now by the way - woohoo!) was directing with his wife Karen.  We talked a little bit before class and then Jeff introduced us with, “Cody and Heather Bush are with us today and they will be hanging out and helping us in our department for the rest of the year.”  

Well, okay - senior department it was.  :)

Cody and I ended up just helping out that year by filling in for teachers, helping with outreach, and just hanging out with the kids.  Then we ended up teaching small groups for a few years and I loved it!

Flash forward to this past August.  Cody and I were now in the directing spot.  It was going fine for the first few weeks, maybe even months, but then something starting tugging at my heart.  I just wasn’t sure that was the place I needed to be.  Cody, on the other hand, was having a blast and really connecting with the kids.

I continued to feel pulled away.  Meanwhile, Cody and I had some tension going on at home.  Don’t get me wrong, we’ve always argued.  That’s what happens when two stubborn people marry each other.  But it was a different kind of tension I wasn’t used to.  This time it was more.  

I finally felt the tugging as more of a shove to leave the senior department, so I tearfully emailed our youth minister, Kurt, late one night.  I told him that I was busy with church, but I wasn’t busy with God anymore.  The directing role had me doing all types of things for Sunday school, but I wasn’t teaching so I wasn’t in the word as much as I had been when I was preparing for lessons each week.  Plus something was feeling off with Cody, and I just needed time to work on me, my marriage, and my family.  I hated writing that email, but I knew if I waited another second, I wouldn’t have done it.  

Kurt’s response was one of love and understanding.  He told me he understood and that he supported me working on my family.  He also told me anytime I was ready to come back, the youth would welcome me with open arms.  

So, I had bowed out of youth, but where was I going to go?  I went back to the young marrieds’ class that Cody and I had been a part of before we started teaching youth.  It was very different.  Many of the couples we had been with were gone, and there were several new faces in the class.  I’m not a very social person by nature, so going to class by myself made me so uncomfortable.  Cody is the social butterfly in our marriage and I have always relied on him to break the ice in those situations.  This time it was all me.  I hated every single second of it, but at the same time I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be.  

Turns out I couldn’t have been more right.  

I began getting back to scripture and my quiet times.  I even went to a bible study with people my own age.  I felt renewed in so many ways.  I was getting back to where I had been before with Jesus.  

Good thing I did, because that’s when my marriage hit rock bottom.  

Cody and I had been arguing more and more and in ways that weren’t healthy.  The things we said to each other were just plain awful.  We had let stress get the best of us and our marriage was suffering.  

Mind you, our life had been turned upside down the year before.  Cody’s dad was diagnosed with cancer the previous summer and had past away the February after.  It rocked Cody’s world.  His dad was his best friend.  I have never been more proud of Cody than I was when his dad was in his last days.  He helped out his mother and family in so many ways.  Cody was on autopilot for weeks.  I was amazed at his strength.  

After the funeral, Cody was still very much on autopilot.  There was paperwork to be done, affairs to get in order, and Cody was handling them all with ease.  Again, I was so impressed with his strength.  

Eventually though, Cody came out of the autopilot setting and was very angry with what had happened.  The way he talked about what had happened the last few months sometimes took me back.  Cody has always been very laid back, and the anger I saw coming from him was not the Cody I knew.  

Now, please don’t think I’m saying everything was his fault.  I’ve met myself, so I know it’s not exactly a walk in the park to be married to my Type A controlling personality.  It’s tough on a good day to be married to me, so I can only imagine what it was like when you’re dealing with the loss of your best friend.  

Eventually, the fighting got to a point where it was just unhealthy and we decided to call it quits.  Every single day was a different battle about anything and everything.  It just seemed easier to part ways.  

Cody decided that he was going to sleep at his brother’s house while we figured out what our next step was.  I just couldn’t wrap the idea of him being gone around my brain, so I begged him to stay.  His brother, Caleb, already knew what was going on, so I texted him and asked him to come over since he had offered to talk to us both.  

Caleb came over that night and Cody was fuming that I had called him.  I didn’t know what else to do at that point.  Caleb talked with us in our living room as I cried my eyes out.  He told us that we needed to go to counseling (something that Cody had suggested, but I had not been on board with weeks before) and he also gave us this awesome book called Love and Respect to read.  He prayed with us and told us we needed to let him know when we were going to counseling as a way to stay accountable.  

I thought, this is it.  We’re going to be okay.  We can do this.

Then Caleb left and Cody’s first words were, “I can’t believe you did that.”  

Boom.  Another fight.  This fight ended with Cody saying he didn’t think counseling would help and that we were too far gone.  Pretty much the exact things I had said to him a few weeks before when he was trying to get me to go.  

Cody slept that night (and many nights after that) in his man cave.  I cried myself to sleep that night and many nights after that.  

Caleb also told us that we needed to tell at least one person what was going on so that people could be praying with us and keeping us accountable.  

I remember sitting in the parking lot of Starbucks the very next night bawling my eyes out to my best friend Leigh Anne.  I thought she was going to look at me differently.  I thought she was going to treat me like I was broken.  I should have known better.  We are best friends for a reason.  :)  

A lot happened after that, but way too much to put in one blog post.  I did end up telling five women in total - my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, my best friends Leigh Anne and Nicole, and my sweet precious friend/mentor Jackie.  These women were my rocks.  They were there to pick me up when I was nothing.  They fed me scripture and love.  I never once felt judged or rejected by these precious women.  They prayed more for Cody and me than we deserved.  

I didn’t tell my mother at the time because I knew she would take my side.  That’s what mamas do.  I didn’t want to turn anyone against Cody.  I’m not saying my mother would have turned against him, but I was fearful of that happening.  I’m already sorry for the first boy who breaks Kaitlyn’s heart because once I get a hold of him....watch out!

Cody and I did end up going to counseling.  It was one of the scariest things I’ve done in my entire life.  Hey, lets pour out all our problems to a stranger who doesn’t know us at all.  He gave us homework to do, and it was some tough stuff.  Too much to explain in this post, but maybe another post will come with that info in the future.  

Y’all.  That time was bad.  It was down right awful.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to be divorced or married at Christmas.  But during that awful time, I was closer to God than I have ever been in my life.  I was already back in the routine of my quiet time and studying the word, so the transition was easy.  The devotional I was doing at the time was almost eerily too close to what I was going through.  

Had I not stepped back from the youth group when I did, I’m not sure my heart would have been ready for what life threw at me.  

God’s timing and discernment y’all.  There’s nothing better.

Cody and I ended up working through A LOT of stuff.  Some of the pain and stress was because of his dad, but we had a lot of other things to fix too.  

Is our marriage perfect now?  Not even close!  But we both are committed to being the best spouse we can be to each other and we know that takes work.  It takes being in the word.  It take commitment, time, love, prayer, submission, and so much more. 

As I said, our marriage is nowhere close to perfect right now, but it’s the best it’s ever been.  

I’ve shared our story with a few other people since it happened.  There are some girls that heard the short version at Humble Beginnings one night, but other than that, I don’t think too many people know.  I know Cody told some friends too, so I’m sure their wives know as well.  (We know how that works when the husband knows something and isn’t supposed to tell the wife, but always does.)

It’s so weird to me that Christians find it so hard to talk about marital problems.  It’s like this hush hush issue.  It’s like we’re supposed to be immune to the problems of the world.  

That is so very far from the truth.  I wish Christians would talk more openly about their problems all around.  We all know we have them, that’s the whole point of Jesus coming here.  We sin and are sinners.  Why do we always pretend we have everything together in front of everyone when really we need fellowship and accountability?

That’s not to say I think you should go out and bash your spouse if you’re having problems to just anyone.  I was very selective with the people I told.  I knew the people who I was confiding in would always love Cody and me and would not take sides.  I never wanted to turn anyone against him and can I just say, I pretty much have the best friends in the world because they loved Cody and prayed for Cody just as much as they loved and prayed for me.  

Now, what does all that have to do with graduation Sunday today?  I promise I’m getting to it.  

After all the grads had been announced, Dr. Wiles started his sermon.  What do you think he talked about on graduation Sunday?  Direction in your life?  Following God’s will?  Nope.

Marriage.  

He preached on marriage y’all.  Can you say hi to the full circle in my life?

Dr. Wiles even used the passage of scripture that saved my marriage.  It was the one that the book Caleb had given us was about.  

Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Do you just ever feel a giant hug from God when He reveals himself in the smallest or biggest of ways? 

So, even though I have not been directing for this semester, I went to the youth building after the service for the celebration of seniors.  It’s my favorite day. All the parents come and some of the seniors get to give speeches or perform.  It’s just a sweet, sweet time of celebrating.  

Tracey Cook, who also knew about our situation and has loved on me during the rough times, introduced the leadership team.  She said my name when she listed directors.  I didn’t deserve that one bit as I haven’t done any directing at all lately.  But in that moment, Jeff’s face popped into my brain and I remember him basically stating we were going to be in seniors whether we knew it or not.  I knew I was ready to come back to youth.  I will have to see where I’m needed, but when the new school year starts in August, I will be ready to serve.  

I’m thankful for God for allowing me to step back at just the right time.  I’m thankful for the people in my life who poured into me and my marriage.  I’m thankful for my incredible husband who stuck with me during one of the darkest times of our life.  I’m thankful for a God who loves me enough to stay with me and draw me close when I needed Him most.  

I’m just so thankful y’all.  

I’m not sharing this to say, “Look at us.  We are so good!”  I’m sharing this because maybe, just maybe, someone needs to read these words today and know that it’s normal to struggle.  Struggling doesn’t mean you have to give up.  There is always hope.  If someone wants to judge Cody, me, or the both of us, I really don’t care.  In the words of my hot husband, “Let people think what they think.”  

If You Can't Take the Heat

I have a bone to pick with teachers.  

Yes, I realize that I am a teacher, so it seems odd to want to pick a bone with my colleagues, but that’s what I’m doing.  

I know I’ll catch some grief with this too.  Seems to always happen when I finally decide to put my opinion in a blog post.  

I just don’t care.  

As the great philosopher, Swift, says, 

“The haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.”

Here it goes teacher folks...  

Stop complaining.  Just stop.  

We all get it.  Teaching is hard.  Nobody in their right mind views teachers as working from 8:00-3:00 and having summers off.  We’ve all shared enough blogs, ecards, quotes, etc. saying the exact opposite of that theory.  The public knows your struggle.  

Yes, it’s a pretty low paying job considering.  Yes, we are overworked.  Yes, policies change.  

That’s called life and that’s why it is called work.

I’m pretty sure doctors, nurses, police officers, fire fighters, lawyers, and soldiers all have stress in their jobs.   

Heck, I’m positive people who work at Walmart have stress at their jobs and feel underpaid too.  

We all wish our jobs were easier and we were paid more.  That’s human nature.  (Cue the Michael Jackson song now.)

Here’s the deal folks.  Nobody is making you stay in teaching.  You can quit.  But if you want to, do it and quit writing things about why you might quit.

Or, take the motto we early grade teachers tell our kids when a birthday treat is being handed out.  “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.”  

Now, I am all for a good venting session with my fellow teachers.  I can dish out with the best of them of all the things I think the district, state, and country can and should do better.  Bless my poor husband’s heart while we’re at it.  Goodness knows he gets a lot of the venting that I have to do.  We all do it and it’s far more healthier than holding it inside.  

But at the end of the day, I choose to teach.  I want to teach.  I LOVE to teach.  

Sure, I’m not a fan of every single part about it, but even on the worst of days I love my job.

I get to work before I have to be and stay longer than I have to most days.  That’s my choice.  I could work diligently through my one conference period and even through my lunch,  but I choose to interact with my team.  I want to talk to them about their families at home and what is happening in their life.  Does that take my work time away and cause me to stay later?  Yes, but to me it’s my choice and so very worth it.  

Do I work at home after school and on the weekends?  Yes, but it’s because that’s what it takes to be the kind of teacher I want to be.  Nobody is forcing me to - again, it is my choice.  

Show me a lawyer that doesn’t put in overtime on a case.  Show me a shop owner who doesn't spend hours trying to make things just right.  Show me someone who truly leaves work at work.  Great professionals just don’t do that.  Some just do it better than others.

Do I have to learn new technology and programs every year?  Yes, and that can get frustrating.  But aren’t we glad things continue to move forward?  I for one am glad that people decided to learn new technology so that we aren’t trying to fly in rickety old airplanes.  The fact that I’m typing this right now is because someone took the time to learn new technology.  Growing pains are necessary.  Nobody said they were fun.  

The bottom line is this.  Teaching is a job that I choose.  I choose to take the low pay, the long hours, and the endless paperwork.  I do it for so many reasons, but the main reason is for each and every one of those kiddos that come through my door every single day.  

So teacher, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the classroom.  

Also, please get out before my daughter ends up in your class.  

For the love teachers - stop complaining about how hard your job is.  If it’s something that needs reform - go after it.  Be the change.  If it’s something that can’t be helped, think about changing your attitude.  Stop posting about why you and your friends want to quit teaching.  

I’m sure there are plenty of passionate men and women chomping at the bit to get into your classroom and start making a difference.  

Now....back to my lesson plans.  Well, right after I read my daughter a bedtime story.  

Stitch Fix #2

I received my second Stitch Fix yesterday!  I really tried to prepare my mind for disappointment because my first box was so good.  I've heard it takes a while for them to truly understand your style.

Well, that was not the case!  I LOVED this box so much more!

If you want to know more about the specifics of Stitch Fix, check out my first post.

On to my second fix!

Laural Sleeveless Geo Print Maxi Dress - Let me start off by saying, maxi dresses and I have this love/hate relationship.  I love the length, but I'm 5 foot 4 inches.  That's the cut off for petite.  But petite dresses are usually too short on me and regular dresses are too long.  The few maxi dresses I have are ones I have to pick up a bit when I'm walking.  (Yes, mom, I know you can hem them...I'll get around to that soon.)  That said, this one was the PERFECT length.  Seriously.  Perfect.  It's like little Stitch Fix elves made some magic.  Plus - look at that fun color!  KEPT IT!

Sasha Embroidery Detail Button Up Tank - Oh.  My.  Detail.  I seriously adore this top!  The detail is so fun!  This was Cody's favorite piece from the box.  Bless his poor husband self for having to see me try everything on and ask his opinion.  :)  I pinned this picture on Pinterest 

and I really think my stylist understood my love for some good detail.  :)   Kept It!

Barrymore Solid Pleat Detail Tank - More small detail  - what can I say?  I'm just a sucker for it.  The pleats in the front add such a nice touch to what could have been a boring top.  I love the way it hangs and I know I can pair it with a cardigan and use it for work.  Love the color too - matches my new classroom decor!  ;)  KEPT IT!

Downing Striped Knit Shirt - This shirt is soooooooo soft!  I immediately loved it.  My friends that have been doing Stitch Fix with me and I always send pictures of our fixes as we get them.  They said this one was so me.  They are right.  Hi.  I'm Heather and I'm addicted to stripes.  I had pinned a dress on Pinterest with yellow stripes and mentioned I loved the color:

I love knowing that my stylist took the time to actually pay attention to my comments.  I made a note that I didn't want a short dress in this fix, but my stylist still paid attention to my notes on color.  I'm easily amused, so I think that's pretty awesome.  KEPT IT!

Nannette Swiss Dot Sleeve Blouse - I was so excited to see this piece!  I had pinned this shirt from Nordstrom:

The piece my stylist picked out reminded me so much of it!  Again, I love that they check and take to heart what you pin on Pinterest!  It's also coral, which I noted that I love.  KEPT IT!

So there you have it!  I ended up keeping the whole box again.  That, coupled some referral credits made each piece an average of $29 this time around.  Very reasonable, but again, I had referral credits to help out my total price.  

Speaking of referral credits... :)  If you are wanting to sign up for Stitch Fix, I would love for you to do so through my link.  If you do, I get credit for my next fix, which I can't wait for!

Stitch Fix #1

I went ahead and jumped on the Stitch Fix wagon a few months ago.  I had to wait about two and a half months because it has become so popular, and now I see why!  It was so much fun!

If you don't know what Stitch Fix is, here is the rundown via their website:

What is Stitch Fix?

Stitch Fix is the first fashion retailer to blend expert styling, proprietary technology and unique product to deliver a shopping experience that is truly personalized for you. Simply fill out the Stitch Fix Style Profile and our personal stylists will handpick a "Fix" of five clothing items and accessories unique to your taste, budget and lifestyle. You can buy what you like and return the rest!
How does it work?

1. Fill out your Style Profile

Begin by filling out the Style Profile. This helps us understand your size, style, shape, budget and lifestyle. Completing your profile should only take about 10 minutes.

2. Pick the date you’d like to receive your Fix

We’ll send you a Fix of five clothing items and accessories handpicked by personal stylists on the date you choose. At the time your Fix is styled you will be charged a $20 styling fee. That $20 will be applied as a credit toward anything you keep from your shipment.

3. Try everything on in the comfort of your home

We encourage you to try on everything our personal stylists have picked for you because you just never know what will look great on! Create new outfits by pairing what’s in your Fix with the items that are already in your closet. Every Fix.

4. Buy what you like and return the rest

a. Take three days to decide what you’ll purchase and what you’d like to send back. You’re only charged for these items when you tell us what you’re keeping and returning.

b. Check out by logging in to your account to pay for those items you want to keep. The $20 styling fee will be applied as credit towards any items you purchase from your Fix. If you buy all five items, we’ll give you 25% off the entire Fix!

c. Simply return the items you don't want in our pre-paid mailing bag and drop it at any USPS mailbox. Stitch Fix clients enjoy free shipping both ways as a benefit of using our service!

5. Tell us what you think!

Don't forget to give us specific feedback on each of the items you receive. Our personal stylists are able to send you better Fixes when we know what did and didn’t work for you, and why. Our blog offers a number of tips on the best ways to communicate with your personal stylist.


I received my first box today.  I was expecting to only like one or maybe two things.  I've heard from several people it may take a few times before you like the entire box.  I have my style profile marked to not send me jewelry, bags, or bottoms.  I have plenty of all of those, and I'm actually very picky when it comes to those items anyway.

So here is what was in my first fix:

Item 1 - Lena Contrast Striped Knit Shirt

This shirt is super thin and will be great for when I want to cover up (which is pretty much always) and not be crazy hot.  Texas summers can be brutal!  I love the length of it too! Plus, if you could see the inside of my closet, you would know I have a crazy love of stripes.  KEPT IT.

Item 2 - Abrianna Lightweight Knit Cardigan

Oh my gosh I love this!  You can link a Pinterest board so your stylist can see what you like.  I pinned quite a bit of coral, so a coral piece doesn't surprise me.  This is SOOOOOO soft and it falls just right on me.  (That is so weird to type)  K even said, "I want one just like it!" KEPT IT.

Item 3 - Denova Dot Print Blouse

This was my least favorite piece in the group.  It's navy, which is fine, but I was really excited about pieces that aren't like what I have already.  It feels a bit boxy too when I'm wearing it.  I did find this picture on Pinterest though that makes me think I can pair it with a cream jacket I have and it might make me happier.  

I ended up keeping it so I could get the 25% off when you keep the whole box.  It ended up being a better deal for me to keep it than to send it back.  Strange how that works out, but it ended up saving me money.  KEPT IT.

Item 4 - Spensur Striped Jersey Dress

I looked at this one and immediately said, "No way.  It's going to look horrible on me!"  But it surprisingly fits better than I thought.  The waist is higher than I thought, so it's more flattering than I anticipated.  It's also longer on me than I thought it would be too.  I'm never comfortable in super short things.  I wrote that in my style profile, and my stylist even wrote me a note about putting some short leggings with this if it made me feel more comfortable.  Love that she truly listened to my concerns.  I think I can even wear this without leggings.  I'm thinking 4th of July maybe.  We'll see!  KEPT IT.

Item 5 - Moises Colorblock Sleeveless Dress

My favorite piece!  This was another one that I thought would be horrible on, but it fits perfectly!  It is also high waisted and the picture doesn't truly show it, but where the green meets the white is a bit pleated and ruffled and so cute!  I felt so girly when I put this on!  I might have even done a spin!  ;)  I NEVER would have picked this out to try on at a store for fear I would look like a stuffed sausage, but I love, love, love this dress!  KEPT IT!

As you can see, I kept my whole box.  Crazy for the first fix huh???  With my $20 style fee that goes towards the purchase, a $25 referral credit (thank you, whoever you are!), and the 25% off for keeping the whole box, I was able to get it all for $137.  That averages out to a little under $28 for each piece.  For sure something I would do in a store!  I love that Stitch Fix also sends styling cards that give you suggestions of what to wear with each piece - even down to shoes and jewelry.

A friend had told me to be very specific when filling out my profile and I truly think I was - with colors I wanted, price, lengths, etc.  I also think that pinning on Pinterest helped out a lot too.

I'm very happy with my first Stitch Fix experience.  The only problem I have now is waiting another month for my next box!

If you want to try it out, check out it out here.  (I'm not being paid by Stitch Fix to say any of this, but I do get a $25 referral fee if you sign up through my link.)

Signs

So, I pretty much got offered my dream job and turned it down a week later.

Yep.

Actually, no.  It's not that simple.  And honestly, it's not as big as it sounds.  Let me back up a bit.

Last week, I got an email from a principal at a school close to mine asking me if I would take a position during summer school.  That's only 3 weeks folks, nothing life changing.  She explained that my job would be nothing but pulling reading groups all day long.

Seriously?

That's my favorite part of the day.  I LIVE for reading groups in my classroom.

So you want to actually pay me for doing nothing but that all day long?  Ummm...yes please!

I told her I needed to talk with my family and get back to her.  Yes, it's only three weeks, but it's also three weeks with me having to find child care for Kaitlyn.  My awesome mama, who is retired, said she would help out and if I really wanted to do it.

Perfect.  This was going to happen.  But there was always this little twitch that I couldn't shake.  I asked God to just show me a sign of what I should do.  I didn't want a whisper either.  I wanted a stinking billboard sign.

Y'all, that's just how it works for my brain - especially in May.

I even thought I got a sign at church on Sunday.  Our sermon was about relationships at work and how your role at work can impact others.  I selfishly even said to myself during the sermon, "Okay, okay God.  I'll take it if you reeeeeeally want me to.  You don't have to keep pushing."

Gosh, I'm a dork.  And usually a wrong one.

I was going to need to get back to this principal the next day with my answer.  I was ready to say yes.  But there was that silly twitch again.  But, but...I had a sign!  So what that it was more of one of those little "vote for me" yard signs than a billboard?  A sign was a sign.  Leave me alone God - I heard you the first time.

Until finally my heart said, "Heather.  Talk to Kaitlyn."

There it was.  Loud and clear.

So in the car, as I was taking K to school Monday morning, I started the conversation.  It went something like this:

"Hey K.  Mama got asked to teach a little bit more into the summer.  What do you think about that?"

"Cool.  Can I listen to my music now?"  (She soooo loves teacher talk, can't you tell?)

"That would mean 15 days of the summer.  Those would be some of our days together."

"Really?  That would hurt my heart."

That was my billboard.

So I turned the job down.  Yes, it was only for three weeks, but those are weeks I can't get back with my daughter, and she is my job during the summer.  Would I have loved it?  Heck yes!!!  Will I love the time with my daughter more?  I'm sure I will for the most part, but I'm also sure there will be times when I'm ready to pull my hair out.  That's just reality.

But I finally took a step back from what I wanted, and realized where I needed to be.  It's not always  easy for me to turn off "teacher mode" in the summer.  But it's such a demanding job during the school year, that I need to.  My family needs me to do that for them.

So, how often do you make certain signs just work for you?  Do you really take the time to step back and truly be peaceful, patient, and attentive?

I love the lyrics from an Addison Road song, "I try to hear from Heaven, but I talk the whole time."

In other words, "Shut up for two seconds Heather and listen!"

Okay, so maybe not that harshly, but you get the point.

I'm trying, I really am.

Wired

As we are nearing the end of Spring Break, I've come to a pretty big realization.

I was never meant to be a stay at home mom.

I've spent so many hours trying to defend myself, to myself.   I've actually thought that I should feel more guilty about loving my job.  It took me years (apparently about five and half) to truly realize that this doesn't mean I don't love my daughter the way I should.

I am finally at the point where I don't feel guilty for not feeling guilty.

Clear as mud?

Let me elaborate.

I think my transformation of thought really started a few months back when I posted something on Facebook.  It was something along the lines of "I can't believe all these teachers who take selfies of each and every outfit every single day."  My VERY WISE friend, Brittany, made the comment that we all have to have hobbies.

For some reason that slapped me in the face.  She was so right.  I was so wrong.  Who did I think I was trying to judge these people?  I love spending hours editing pictures while blaring music and some people think that is dumb.  That's just how I'm wired.  If there are people out there wired to find joy in fashion and post about it each day - DO IT!  I'm all about people finding joy!

From that moment, I truly felt like I became less "judgy."  When someone posted something that I used to think was silly, a little Brittany would come to mind telling me, "We all need hobbies."

We are all created so differently, and thank God for that!  This world would be so boring with a whole bunch of me out there.  And I'm not fishing for compliments here - the world would be so boring with a whole bunch of you too.  ;)  The same of anyone would just be a snooze. 

Then I started reflecting about my marriage more.  Cody and I used to fight a lot when we first got married.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.  Some of the fights were petty and stupid, and some were about some pretty important issues.  Looking back though, I realize that we just didn't truly "get each other" just yet.  Sure, we had dated for years, but living together was something so completely different.  It wasn't until I finally accepted who he was and he did the same that we started really enjoying our marriage.

Our marriage is just plain fun to me now.  Cody is so very different than me in so many different ways.  Apparently he is an otter and I'm a golden retriever when it comes to the Smalley personality test.  :)  That's why we work.  He is the humor to my seriousness.  I am the organized planner to his carefree spirit.  He is the social butterfly to my social awkwardness.

We have learned the art of respectful compromise.  I used to hate when he was out with the guys so much, but now I get why he needs that.  He also understands when I go to dinner with my girlfriends every other Wednesday.  We are more in tune with how the other is wired now and we have a healthier marriage because of that.

All that to say, I've just been restless today.  I'm itching to get back in my classroom.  I'm ready to see my students.  I actually want to go back to work. 

Now before you start feeling sorry for my daughter, I should let you know that she told me two days ago she was ready to go back to school and see her friends.  We've had a blast and I love spending time with her so much.  I'm pretty sure she feels the same way - at least I hope so.  We just also enjoy other things.

And for once, I'm okay with that.

But with that said, I also get why some moms are stay at home moms.  That's how they are wired.  It doesn't make them better than me.  It doesn't make me better than them.

It just makes us - well, us.

Here We Go Again!

Blame it on Disney Magic.

Blame it on my friends who are posting pictures of Disney this week and two weeks ago.

Blame it on childhood memories.

Whatever is to blame, it happened. 

The Bush Family is going back to Disney!!!  We officially booked it today!  This time it will be right before Christmas!  That's a long time to wait, but it will be worth it!  We can't wait!  This time K knows, so we won't have to not talk about it in front of her! 

I've already got two alarms in my phone - one for dining reservations and one for the new FastPass+ system. 

I'm giddy!!!

It will be a little over a year since the last visit, but I don't care.  K is only young once.  We've booked it early so that we can make smaller payments and honestly, money will come and go.  We're very conservative with our money most of the time.  Things like this are worth it to me.  As I said, K is only young once.  Pretty soon the days of make believe will be gone.  K starts kindergarten this year and I know her eyes will be opened up to things she's never seen before - both good and bad.  Cody and I want to take every opportunity we can to keep her young.  Disney is the perfect answer to us!  It doesn't hurt that we both love it as well!! 

So, 348 days to go!  :)