HUGE Responsibility!

I've been working on cleaning out our house, which is different from cleaning up the house. We just have too much stuff! Anyway, while I clean I like to listen to music, because well, without music it's just boring. :) So Kaitlyn and I were in the back room (office/guest room) and I had on 94.9 which is the Christian station here. The Casting Crowns song, "Slow Fade" came on. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this group. All their songs are just amazing! The kid singing at the end always gets me, but today it was a different line in the song that stopped me in my tracks. There is a line that says, "Be careful little feet where you go, for it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow." Wow. That says it all right there. Kaitlyn will be watching Cody and I to learn about life. How we interact with each other, family, and friends, how we eat, how we keep house, how we worship, how we talk, - everything. What an amazing responsibility! I've been "looked at" before being a teacher and I've seen kids imitate me. (You find out real quick what phrases you use a lot when you teach kindergarten!) :) But now I'm not Mrs. Bush, the teacher. I am Mom. That word hasn't even sunk in yet. Maybe it's because Kaitlyn isn't using it yet, but somehow it hadn't hit me yet. But Mom - that's me now. And Cody is no longer just Cody - he's Dad. We have such a job ahead of us! I am thankful I have a wonderful, loving, and Godly husband that is here to help me with this job. This is the most important job either one of us has ever held! It scares me and thrills me all at the same time. I know the years ahead will be full of laughter, tears, and prayers as we figure it all out. And we will be watching what we do because Kaitlyn will be watching us.

Too many toys!!! (And she's not even 4 months old!)

Well, it's finally happened. It didn't take long for Kaitlyn's toys to overflow the storage we had in her room. And because Christmas was just here, we now have way more toys than we have storage for. So instead of buying more small baskets that match the ones we already have, we decided to buy her a toy bench. I looked and looked and had so much fun doing so. There are some really cute stores online that I never knew about! But most of the pink and brown ones were either way more than we wanted to spend, or just not the style we were going for. I finally picked one out that sort of matched her room. It's not pink and brown, but we have some of the Love Bug collection from Babies R Us in her room, so it sort of matches that too. The colors are a bit different, but not everything she has is going to be matchy matchy. :) Cody liked it too, well, honestly I don't think he cared all too much. ;) So we ordered it and it should be here in about a week! I can't wait! I know she won't be using it for a good long while, but me, being the organizational freak that I am, will be so happy that the toys will have a good place to be!

The Case of the Serial Comma

After getting several Christmas cards that "bothered" me I looked up the comma rule. (I know, I am SUCH a teacher.) But here's what I've come up with:

The Mystery Solved

Dear Readers,

Many thanks to all who responded to my plea for help in tracing the origin of the Wrong Rule about omitting the final comma in a series ("red, white and blue" instead of "red, white, and blue").

Your letters and my further research have revealed this: The only authorities who advocate omitting the final comma are newspaper style guides (which wish to save column space) and some English writers (who waffle on the rule).

My original assertion stands, with minor qualifications: Except for journalists, all American authorities say to use the final serial comma: "He went to the store to buy milk, butter, and eggs."

The reason for the final serial comma is to prevent the last 2 items' being confused as a unit (butter-and-eggs).

From Grammar Girl:

Although the serial comma isn't always necessary, I favor it because often it does add clarity, and I believe in having a simple, consistent style, instead of trying to decide whether you need something on a case-by-case basis. I also think using the serial comma makes even simple lists easier to read. Really, unless space is incredibly expensive, I can't imagine why anyone would decide the best method is sometimes leave it out and sometimes add it in*.




Okay, okay, I know I'm being tacky, and hopefully not too on the rude side, but I hate it when I don't see a serial comma before the word and!!! Unless you're a newspaper editor you should be using it! (I'm sure I'll get lots of folks telling me I don't use proper punctuation after this.......haha......I like my ellipsis so don't even start with that................... :)

And if you did send me a Christmas card and didn't put the serial comma that's fine. I still love you for sending me one. Just next year keep in mind that it's great to sign them as follows:

Merry Christmas!
Love,
Cody, Heather, and Kaitlyn :)

Updates

I am FINALLY posting some updates, but I'm changing the dates on them. Even though I didn't actually write the posts on those days, I'm putting some closer to when the events happened because...well, I'm OCD and don't like things out of order. So look for the updates in the "older" parts too. :) Oh, and just for grins, here's another picture of my oh so cute daughter! :)


We thought she looked like Lady Liberty here. :)

Away in a Manger

Today Cody, Kaitlyn, and I got to light the advent candles at church. It was a pretty exciting time for us as a family. I was really nervous that Kaitlyn would be crying or fussy, and she was right before. We ended up having to feed her in the pew right before we went down to the candles. But we got her fed in time and she did wonderful! The song right before we came down was amazing!! It was called, "Here With Us" and there was a part when it talked about Mary rocking her savior to sleep. I looked down at Kaitlyn and how small she was and how much she needed me - for pretty much everything. It's hard to believe Jesus was ever like that, but that's part of what makes Him so amazing. I am so thankful that God decided to send his Son and I cannot wait until I get to teach that to Kaitlyn!

We went down to light the candles during Away in a Manger and I almost lost it. Being caught up in the amazement of God and then thinking of my sweet family just choked me up. I thought of how Kaitlyn's coming into this world was not easy - right from the beginning. Then I looked around and saw so many faces from my loving church family smiling down and us and I realized how very blessed we are. We've had so many people praying and loving us and I cannot express how thankful I am for that. This Christmas will be the best one I've ever had. I have so many blessings including my precious little daughter. And I think back to that manger that had the biggest blessing that this world will ever receive. Praise God for his Son!

Stroller Struggles

Well, here's my first attempt and catching up with the blog! Hopefully I'll get to do a lot of that over the Christmas break, but there are a million other things I need to catch up on too, so I'm not making any promises! :)

One of the things I wanted to write about when it happened, but never got around to was the very first time I used the stroller with Kaitlyn. I was on maternity leave at the time and decided to go get envelopes for Kaitlyn's birth announcements. I was going to go to Office Depot and it was right by my house so we wouldn't be gone long. It was a weekday morning so I knew not a lot of people were going to be out, and her doctor had said I could take her on short little shopping trips as long as nobody touched her. So I thought this first experience would be perfect. So I get everything ready and packed the car. I get to Office Depot and pull the stroller out of the trunk. I had managed to fold it up and get it in there just fine at home, but stupid me forgot to look at how to get it unfolded. I started pulling and tugging on anything I could think of and the dumb thing wouldn't budge. This seriously went on for about five minutes, and one lady even stopped and asked me if I needed help. "No thanks - it's just stuck," was my answer. Like I was really going to tell her I was a stupid mom that didn't know how to work the darn thing. Then I finally got it opened and got Kaitlyn out in her carrier and went to put the carrier on the stroller. Somehow before it had "snapped" in, but of course this time it wouldn't. I tried and tried...I had to put Kaitlyn back in the car several times until I FINALLY figured out how to push the bottom down. At this point I had tears in my eyes and was so embarrassed. I wondered who in the store was watching (I doubt anyone, but that's how my mind works) and I really almost didn't go in because I felt so dumb. But I did go in - went right to the envelopes and then the check out. Literally I was in the store for all of two minutes. That's it. Two minutes. I fought with my stroller for about fifteen minutes in the parking lot so I could be in a store for TWO MINUTES!!! I could have just carried the dad gum carrier in the store and not had any problems. What was I thinking???

I went home feeling like one of the dumbest moms ever, but I sure did practice with that stroller so it wouldn't happen again!! And it hasn't...but I'm sure there will be plenty of dumb mom moments in my future!

Short and Very Sweet!

It's been so long since I've "blogged." Hmmm...wonder what could be taking up my time! :) I'll try to post over the break (and maybe some this week, but who knows!) because Kaitlyn has had so many firsts and what nots that I need to put on here. But for now, I'm beyond exhausted, almost finished with laundry, and the pillow is calling my name. So I'll just post one of my newest favorite pictures of my little angel! :)

Thanksgiving

Wow - did Cody and I have a lot to be thankful for this year!!! What an amazing time it was to reflect on our blessings over this past year...especially little Miss Kaitlyn Grace!! This year we spent Thanksgiving with Cody's family (per a rotation we were already on) in Arlington. Cody's grandparents were able to come in and meet Kaitlyn for the first time, as were some cousins. It was such a fun time. Cadie, Kaitlyn's cousin that was born 13 days before her, was there too. It was so fun to see the girls together and to think of all the moments they will have in the years to come!


Kaitlyn meeting great grandparents for the first time


Kaitlyn with her Aunt Candy


Cousin Cadie was tired of all the noise!


So very thankful for her!


With Daddy


With Cody's parents and grandparents


Kaitlyn ADORES her Uncle Caleb!


Her bow was not cooperating...



Uncle Caleb is so great with both girls!

Sip and See

Because Kaitlyn came so early I didn't get to have my scheduled work shower. So my wonderful team planned a "Sip and See" where I could bring Kaitlyn. We waited a little while so that she could have her shots - newborns in an elementary school without shots...now that's a scary idea. Kaitlyn was great and didn't cry at all. Kelly, who used to teach next door to me, got to come too! I was so excited. I taught next to her for three years, but this year she's teaching in Burleson so she can be closer to home. It was so great to see her!! My team was so great and Kaitlyn got so many precious things from them and the rest of the school. I am so blessed to work with such great people!

Kaitlyn and me in front of the yummy cake with her nursery colors

My wonderful team!
With Kelly and her son Jacob
Grandma was there to hold Kaitlyn during the gift opening
One of Kaitlyn's many precious presents

Kaitlyn's First Halloween

Yes, I'll admit it - I'm a big dork when it comes to holidays. And I especially love Fall holidays...well, actually just Fall in general. When September 1st rolls around I get out all our Fall decorations. I'm fully aware that's not the official start of Fall, but I just love it so much that I get in the mood early. October 1st hits I put up all the Halloween decorations. November 1st hits and here come the Thanksgiving decorations. By the way, Thanksgiving is sooo under appreciated, but I'll blog about that later. :)

So this year Kaitlyn had two little "outfits" that both were pumpkins. One was bought for her by one of my friends at work, and the other I bought just in case I couldn't find another costume. She wore the first one the day before Halloween when she went to Pam's house. (Pam is our babysitter for those who don't know) Then on Halloween day she wore the other pumpkin outfit to Pam's. Later that night, we changed her into her little ladybug costume. There really wasn't much I could find that was newborn size - small newborn anyway. She was almost a really cute butterfly, but the only costume in her size left at the store was missing the head part and it just would not have been as cute. So ladybug it was. Luckily, Darcy had a costume to match! I'm already so excited thinking about what her costume will be next year! (Told you I was a dork!)








My little love bugs! :)

Back to Work

Well, today was the day. I finally had to go back to work. It was something I was both looking forward to and dreading for some time now. But it came today whether I liked it or not.

This morning was actually easier than I thought. I had guessed that I would start the water works at Pam's house (the wonderful lady that is keeping Kaitlyn). But I was totally fine there. Maybe it was because I was going over some last minute things...who knows. But I was really okay there. I got in the car to drive to work after that though and was okay for the first few minutes. I called Cody to let him know I had dropped her off and everything was okay, but while I was talking to him I got all choked up. Then, stupid me decides to play the sappy song about a daughter (I'll post the lyrics at the end of this post) over and over until I got to work. So of course my makeup was pretty much running down my face when I walked into my classroom. I composed myself pretty quickly though trying to get everything ready for the day, but lost it again once I went to pick up my students. Other teachers were stopping me asking me how I was holding up and I couldn't even complete a sentence. (I'm still blaming some of my crying on hormones...just because I can!) :)

The day itself went pretty well - much better than I thought it would. I have such great kids this year (just a few little attitudes I'll have to get in check, but nothing I can't handle!) I really forgot just how much I love my job. It just felt...natural to be back, and I get this almost charge from teaching. I was so happy seeing the progress that had already been made and my mind is already working on what I can do for each kid. I know that I am right where I need to be professionally and I am truly thankful for that. Of course there is a lot of work ahead of me. Six weeks of not doing things "my way" in my room has got me a bit stressed, and I'll have to do a lot of reteaching of routines and such. But I'll get there - slowly but surely...well, not too slowly since it's almost November! But I'm ready for the challenge!

And Kaitlyn was just fine, and I knew she would be. God has truly blessed me with our situation. Kaitlyn is in a great home where she will be care for each day I'm working. My mind is so at ease and I am beyond thankful!!!

Speaking of thankful - I have AMAZING friends and family that loved on me so much. Starting last night I got text messages, emails, voicemails, and even an ecard saying they were thinking of me today. Everyone knew today would be hard on me and they just poured out their support. And then there's Cody. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He left a little later today for work so he could help me out at the house. He helped me relax (as much as he could) while I was driving to work. There was already an email on my school account when I got to work from him telling me to have a great first day back, AND he sent a wonderful edible arrangement to my classroom. (I have a weird thing about getting flowers...I think it's very silly so the fruit was perfect for me!) I thank God each day for having such a wonderful husband. Having him, my awesome family, and amazing friends...does it get any better??

I know I'm going to get sad here and there knowing that Kaitlyn is spending so much time with someone else, but I know in my heart it's the right thing to do. I truly feel like I'm called to my job and I know that some of my kids need me. I'm not trying to say I'm a wonderful teacher or anything along those lines, although that's what I strive for. But some of my kids don't have the greatest of home lives, and if I could only teach them one thing this year it would be that they are loved and that I believe in each and every single one of them!

Here's that song that I just think is great. Cody's really good friend Aaron told him about it first and Cody and I both fell in love with the song as soon as we heard it. If you have a daughter you need to go get it from I-tunes. Even if you have a son - get it. It's great!

It Won't Be Like This For Long By: Darius Rucker

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Lay'n there in bed listen'n
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laugh'n
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It wont be like this for long

Four years later bout four thirty
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This will only last a week or two

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll drop her off
And she wont even know your gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It wont be like this for long

One day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times you'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the isle
And he'll raise her vale
But right now she up and cry'n
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watch'n her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It wont be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
He's try'n to hold on
It wont be like this for long
It wont be like this for long

YAY!!!

Today is a huge day for me!!! (I know this is going to be silly to some people) I am oh so very excited because I pulled a pair of my non maternity jeans out and decided to give them a whirl again and they fit! Now, they were what I considered my "fat jeans" and they are for sure not those anymore, but still - THEY ARE NOT MATERNITY!!! WOOHOO!!!

Now for those of you lucky moms that fit back into your jeans right away...yeah...just don't write any comment please. I'm happy for you but don't want to hear it. :P

I was able to wear some of my other pants and capris for a while now, but the jeans just didn't work - until today. Now, I still have sooo far to go when it comes to baby weight and all. I'm gonna hold on to my oh so favorite jeans and make for darn sure I fit in them eventually. It might not happen soon, but I'll get there...just gotta take baby steps...haha - get it? Okay - I need some sleep. :)

Bow Head

So I saw these oh so cute bows in all the boutique stores, but I never could quite make myself pay what they cost. So I ventured out, bought some ribbon, and tried to make my own. I've made several, but this is the first one she has actually worn. I'm sure I'll add some more pictures later of my other creations...it's actually really fun to make them!

Big Girl Bed..er...Crib :)

Because Kaitlyn was in the NICU and hooked up to so many machines that told us everything was okay, Cody and I were very nervous the first night she was home. We had her sleep in the bassinet right by our bed. I don't think either of us slept too much that night. I was constantly getting up to make sure she was still breathing. The second night was a little better, but we still had her by our bed. On September 23rd we tried the crib and it worked great - actually, I think she slept better in there than the bassinet. We have a sleep positioner that is just wonderful and sets me at ease. Plus we have an awesome monitor that picks up every single sound. She's been in there ever since, but I did take pictures the first night. She looks so tiny in the big crib! :)

One Month Old

Wow - Kaitlyn is already one month old today. It's crazy - time has gone by so quickly!!! She's already a whole other baby since we brought her home. She is starting to eat more, stay awake more, and she's developing this wonderful little personality. :) I cannot even begin to express just how much I love this little girl - it's beyond any kind of happiness I could have ever imagined. So often you hear that, "You never know true love until you have a child." Well, I don't think it's quite that, because I have felt love from my family, friends, and oh so much love from Cody, but this is just a different type of love. And really, no words I put on this screen right now would do it justice.

We took Kaitlyn to the doctor yesterday for another check up and she's doing great. Actually the doctor called her perfect! :) She now weighs 7 pounds and 5 ounces, so she reversed her birth weight of 5 pounds 7 ounces. She's also 20 inches long. It's amazing to see her grow that much after so little time. I am just so very thankful to God that she is healthy and growing the way she is. And we still have 8 more days until her official due date! :)

There's No Place Like Home!

Dorothy hit the nail on the head - There IS no place like home!! We were so happy the day we got to take Kaitlyn home. It was one week and one day after she was born. I was so very happy, yet scared all at once. Before she had been hooked up to machines that told us the second anything was wrong. Now it was all our judgment. The first night was so nerve racking and I don't think Cody or I had any sleep. Rooming in at the hospital was scary too, but at least nurses and doctors were just a call away there. Not so at our house. But everything went great and we are just so very blessed to have her home!

The dress that she came home in is very special to my family. My dad actually bought it over 30 years ago for my cousin Michelle to go home in. Then each of the girl cousins wore it home from the hospital - including me. Kaitlyn is the first girl in the next generation so she was able to keep the tradition alive. The pictures right from the hospital she doesn't have socks on because she just had her PKU test done and the nurses told us to leave them off. (Just in case you were going to scold me like the random lady did in the lobby of the hospital.) I swear when you have a baby everyone feels the need to put their two cents in! ;)

Legacy

What exactly does the word legacy mean? It's hard to really say. If you look it up on dictionary.com this is what comes up:

"anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor"

Kaitlyn is my legacy. And that's what I am for my grandmother - her legacy. Kaitlyn is part of that too.

I lost my grandmother the day we roomed in with Kaitlyn at the hospital. She never got to meet Kaitlyn. She saw pictures, but never got to meet her - she missed it by one day.

I knew it was going to happen, and I knew it was going to be soon, so it really was no surprise when I got the phone call from my dad...but it didn't hurt any less. My grandmother went home from the hospital with a hospice nurse the day that I had Kaitlyn. My family tried to keep it from me because of the stress I was already under, but I guess they didn't think that their whispers carried the way they did. My family had all come in from everywhere to say goodbye to my grandmother - something I didn't get to do because I was at the hospital with my daughter. I know I shouldn't feel guilty and there's really no controlling what happened, but I would have loved to been able to say one last goodbye.

I was able to go to her funeral though. It was the day after we came home with Kaitlyn, and Cody's mother was so gracious to come watch her for about two hours. The pastor that did the ceremony talked about how my grandmother always had a sense of family and home no matter what. If you knew how many times my dad and his family had to move because of my grandfather's time in the army you would understand just how special that really was. My dad and his two sisters each graduated high school in a different country - yes, country. But no matter where they went my grandmother made it feel like home.

I didn't get to say goodbye and honestly it was so hard for me to really comprehend that it really happened because I had been so focused on Kaitlyn and her getting better. But now I've had some time to reflect and think back to how amazing my grandmother truly was. She always lived closed to us so I was lucky enough to have her in my life while I was growing up. She came to birthday parties, Christmas mornings, graduations - everything. She was the one who picked Tony or I up at school when we were sick because mom and dad were working in Dallas. When it came to grandmas it just didn't get much better than mine. That's why I want to create that same sense of home that my dad and his sisters had growing up. That's what I want for Kaitlyn and that's what I'm going to make sure I do for her. My grandma would have wanted me to.

Here are some memories I have of her:

-Hallmark Keepsake Ornaments - every year in July she would get us a Wish Book from hallmark and each of the grandkids would pick out the ornament we wanted. (I wrote a blog earlier on this) The one I got this year is for Kaitlyn - Baby's 1st Christmas. I love that it's the last one that is truly from my grandmother. It wasn't just ornaments either with Grandma. She sent a card for every occasion. If you went into the Hallmark store with her you would smile because all the clerks knew her by name. I swear she helped to keep that store in business.

-Her having two televisions in her living room. She had to do this she said because the sports seasons overlapped. She'd watch the rangers and the cowboys or mavericks or whoever was on. If two televisions were on it was because there were two games on at the same time and she couldn't miss them. :) My favorite thing that she would say when she got mad at a team was, "Awh, come on!"

-Her dollhouse. She made the most amazing dollhouse in the side of the wall in her sunroom. It had pictures on the wall of all of us grandkids when we were babies. She made food and plants out of a special kind of dough and then would paint it. It looked amazing. When I was younger she let me go in and "check" to make sure everything was in the right place. Occasionally a fork or something would be a little out of place (in my eyes) and she would let me carefully move the glass back and take tweezers and move it back into place. She also came to my 4th grade class to speak about the dollhouse hobby to my whole class. I was so proud and I don't think I stopped smiling the whole time she was there.

-The "cookie drawer." It was the bottom drawer in her cabinets right by the fridge. She always had it stocked with cookies and no matter when we asked we could always get one.

-She never missed an episode of The Price is Right or Wheel of Fortune.

-She had sooo many clocks in the house and it seemed like all of them "tocked" at different speeds, but that was the sound of Grandma's house.

-When Tony and I would spend the night sometimes on a Friday we would wake up to the smell of bacon. She always made us bacon with our breakfast.

-She always had peppermints in the living room and in the car. You always had to be prepared for fresh breathe.

-She taught me to write the names, locations, and dates on the back of pictures. I never thought I would forgot people's names and where we were until recently when I came across some old pictures from junior high. Wish I would have followed this advice more.

-When she IMed me while I was away at college she signed each IM screen "Love, Grandma"

-She knew real love when it hit her - my grandfather and her eloped. They drove from Shreveport to Waskom, TX when she still lived with her parents. They married in Waskom and she was home by curfew. They kept it a secret for almost a month and a half! I always loved listening to that story. Once I asked her if it made her sad to talk about my grandfather (he did when I was four) and she told me of course not. She loved to celebrate his life.

I could go on forever. I know that I was truly blessed to have a grandmother like the one I had. She was beyond amazing. She was a role model, a teacher, and just an extrodinary woman. I want to help live out her legacy in my life and my daughter's - and I intend to follow through with that.

NICU

My daughter is in the NICU - that's all that was going through my mind the next morning and for almost a week after. I had known of other people that have had babies in the NICU and I had seen it on countless movies and tv shows, but never in my mind did I think I would have a baby in the NICU.

At first I couldn't go see her. I was still recovering from surgery and they wouldn't let me go down to see her with all my i.v.s and what not hooked up to me. Cody could go down and he took pictures for me, but it still killed me that I couldn't see her. I hated the pictures too - not that I didn't instantly fall in love with her and think she was the most beautiful thing ever, but there was my precious baby with tubes and cords all over her and I couldn't even be there to tell her it was okay and that I loved her.

Eventually I was "unhooked" and was able to be taken in a wheel chair to go see her. It was the best and worst thing ever. She just looked so helpless to me and I couldn't as a mother do anything for her. The nurses told me all I could do was put my hand on her back because her skin was too sensitive for me to hold her or even rub her back. I wanted more than anything to just hold her in my arms.

The next few days were full of ups and downs. Cody and I went to see her periodically throughout each day and she continued to have progress and setbacks. She would be breathing great, but not eating...then she would be eating more, but not maintaining her body temperature. It was so stressful, but each minute that I got to spend with her was a minute I was thankful for.

Friends and family came up to visit while were in the hospital, which I am so thankful for, but it was also so sad to me. I had gone plenty of times up to the hosptial when someone I knew I had a baby - even two weeks before for Casey and Candy's daughter Cadie. Each time everyone would take turns passing the baby around talking about how cute he or she was. But when I had visitors all I could do was update them on Kaitlyn's status. I wanted to be the proud mom and show her off to everyone, but she was still hooked up to machines in the NICU. Not that I didn't love having everyone come see us - it meant so much to both Cody and me. But it just wasn't what I wanted it to be.

Then Saturday came and it was horrible. I was discharged from the hospital but Kaitlyn was not. Cody and I had to go sit through a discharge class and everyone there brought their baby but me. I had to fight back the tears the entire time. At the end of the class the nurse started to pass out the discharge forms for the babies. When I told her that my daughter was in NICU and wasn't being discharged she said really loudly, "Oh well then you can go ahead and go. You don't need to be here for this part." That's when I felt the tears really coming and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Cody and I had to walk all the way across the room to the door and it seemed like everyone's eyes were just glued to us. By the time I got to the hallway I just about lost it and broke into the horrible "ugly cry" as Oprah calls it. It just wasn't fair. All these parents got to take their babies home with them that day and we couldn't. I know that she was right where she needed to be and was getting the help she needed, but I just wanted to have her in my arms and at home. When we left the hospital it was by far the worst car ride of my life - and I cried the entire way home.

The next few days I was again running on autopilot. My body was sore and I was exhausted, but I made it up to the NICU for all the feedings that I could. I even went to church that Sunday - everyone there thought I was crazy for going, but they were doing Kaitlyn's rose presentation and I wasn't going to miss it. Plus I would just go crazy sitting at home.

Kaitlyn kept making progress and eventually we got the "rooming in" orders. That meant Cody and I would have to stay a night in a hospital room with Kaitlyn and she wouldn't be hooked up to any machines. We would have to chart her body temp, dirty diapers, and amount of food she was taking every three hours and report them to the nurse. If she did okay all night and morning we would get to go home with her. I don't think Cody or I slept for more than 10 mintues that night but Kaitlyn made it through the night like a champ and we were more than excited to get the discharge orders the next morning from the NICU doctor!!

C-section??? Tonight???

Wow - I cannot even begin to explain the last two weeks. I put a quick update on here, but I'll go into more detail now - now that I'm able to. I'll have to do it in parts though because there is so much to cover. Before I swear I was running on straight adrenaline. I honestly don't know how I got through some of what I did...my God is an awesome God let me tell you!

Cody and I had a scheduled sonogram last Wednesday. Actually, it was one we were going to have earlier, but I had to reschedule it because I needed to go to my "normal" doctor. Let me back up for a bit...some of you may not know this because, well, it just doesn't always come up into conversation. (And my mother is going to kill me for putting it up on my blog...she's still coming to terms with the whole sharing of information on the internet) :) I have what is called a bicornis uterus which means basically I have a heart shaped uterus instead of a normal one. Mine has two "horns" as the doctors say. This is something we didn't find out about until our first sonogram and the technician went, "Oh." I knew that wasn't the best thing for her to say and then I got the news. Basically I was told that the biggest problem with someone with my condition is getting pregnant. That explains why it took Cody and I so long after we started trying to get pregnant. I was also told that my uterus might not be able to stretch enough for full term baby and that I would most likely have a c-section. Naturally I was scared to death thinking I was going to lose my baby. My doctor referred me to a specialist to monitor Kaitlyn's growth (which is why I have so many sonogram pictures). Everything was normal the entire time and I thanked God after each sonogram that our little girl was doing great. The one we had done prior to this last one even showed that she was head down which meant I might be able to deliver her naturally and avoid the c-section. Then Wednesday, September 10th came...

I left school just a little bit early to make it to the appointment. I thought it would be no big deal and I was going to head up to church right after for the first night of children's choir. Cody met me up at the doctor's office and in no time we were in the sonogram room ready to see our little girl again. The technician was so very nice, but soon into the sonogram she got very quiet. She quickly printed out two pictures for us and then left to get the doctor. She was gone for quite a while and Cody and I were just talking about all the things left in the nursery we needed to do. I honestly just thought the technician was shy or just straight to the point...I didn't think anything was wrong right then. Then the doctor came in and without a hello or how are you he quickly told me, "Heather, your amniotic fluids are dangerously low and I need to get you to labor and delivery now. We need to have this baby today." I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I didn't even have words to say. Cody quickly grabbed my hand and the doctor was explaining something to him about the cord possibly being wrapped around her if we didn't get her out soon, but at the point my ears were basically ringing and I was crying. I went numb all over and basically felt like I was in a bad dream. I was only one day shy of 35 weeks and I had just read that her lungs were not fully developed yet. How can they be telling me it was time to get her out?

They took us to some kind of stress test room and told us we could wait there until they got a hold of my regular doctor. By this time I was shaking all over. Cody and I both got on our phones and called our parents. I remember trying to act so calm and asking my mother to come get Darcy and bring my bag (that was not yet packed completely) up to the hospital. After that I called Beth from church and let her know that I would be able to come to children's choir that night...and I was suppose to bring cookies. Then I called my team and let them know I wouldn't be at work the next day. Cody and I continued to call friends and family to let them know what was going on...I felt as though I was on autopilot the whole time.

Soon after we were told that my doctor would not be able to come in that night, but to go ahead and go to labor and delivery. Since the specialist's office is at the hospital it wasn't too far, but it was raining so Cody went to get his truck and take me to the other side of the hospital. I sat down outside waiting for him and I just felt numb all over - I was going to have my baby today and she was going to be five weeks early. It still hadn't really hit me. Again, I felt as though I knew what was going on, but I hadn't really come to terms with it yet and my body was just going through the motions.

We got to labor and delivery and had to wait on registration which took what seemed like forever. By the time we checked in my mom was there with my bag and we were ready to go up to my room. In the room they told me to dress in the hospital gown and that they would come hook me up to monitors soon. As soon as they did I found out that I was actually having contractions...silly me thought Kaitlyn was just moving funny. I had even told Cody that she was making me feel tight in my stomach - yeah, shows how much I know! Then the doctor on call came in to talk to me. He told me I had two options. One, we could do a c-section that night, or two, we could wait until the morning and have me induced. I asked what each meant as a risk and he told me that neither one would be a risk for me, but that natural labor might cause Kaitlyn some stress because of the low amount of fluid, but there was no way to tell. That did it for me - c-section it was. As terrified as that made me there was no way I was going to risk anything happening to Kaitlyn. After Cody and I talked about it and agreed on having it we told the doctor and it was scheduled for 8:00 that night. By now it had to have been after 6:00, so I had some waiting ahead of me. Cody's mother was there by then and my dad came soon after. Cody's dad has a new job in Sherman so he was driving in, but made it before I went in for the surgery.

I ended up going back around 8:20. I remember being so scared that my legs were literally shaking the bed. They were going to do something called a spinal block instead of an epidural and Cody couldn't be in there with me for that. They opened the doors to the operating room and I felt like I was in a movie. The lights were so bright and the room seemed just huge to me. As soon as I sat down to get the spinal that Leona Lewis song came on the radio - the one that goes, "You cut me open." and "I keep bleeding." All I could do was laugh and I could hear Cody out in the hall saying, "You have to be kidding me." I told you I felt like I was in a movie and the soundtrack was just right! :) Almost instantly I couldn't feel anything from my chest down. They had to help me to the table and then Cody could come in. The nurses strapped my arms down and that's really when I think I started to panic, but I couldn't do anything about it. I could hear the doctor talking to me and I understood everything that was being said, but I couldn't talk at all. I was trying so hard to say something, but nothing would come out of my mouth. In my mind I thought I was going to be one of those cases where they gave the wrong amount of medicine and now I was going to be a vegetable for the rest of my life. But when they realized I wasn't answering they gave me some oxygen and then I could finally speak - although it was barely anything that made sense from what Cody told me.

The c-section was the weirdest experience of my entire life. I didn't feel one ounce of pain - no cutting or anything. But I did feel pressure and it was so very strange. I knew they were literally taking my insides out and I felt nothing but pressure. Then they told me they were going to push down on my to slide her down a bit more and that's when I felt the entire table move. It was beyond crazy. Soon after I heard the best sound ever - Kaitlyn was crying - and loudly! That meant she could breathe and I was overjoyed! I could sort of see them cleaning her up out of the corner of my eye, but as I tried to turn my head I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I caught a glimpse of Cody holding her in front of me, but again I was fighting harder than I ever fought before to stay awake. Then the NICU nurses took her back to the NICU and the nurse told me I could go to sleep...and I really don't remember too much until the next morning. I do remember saying something to my parents and Cody's parents when I got back to the room after a while and also when our music minister from church came up to check on me - I would know that voice anywhere! :) But the rest is all a blur. I think it was the combo of the medicine and the relief of all the stress I had balled up since that afternoon.

I am so thankful for all the doctors and nurses that helped with the c-section that night. Because of them I have the best thing that has ever happened to me!!

Here She Is!

Quick Update

As many of you already know Kaitlyn came a little earlier than expected. We went in for a sonogram on Wednesday and found our amniotic fluids were very low and we needed to have her that night. So we decided to have a c-section and get her out as soon as we could. She was born at 8:46 p.m. and weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces. She was 17 and a 1/2 inches long. She's just beautiful.

Kaitlyn is in the NICU now. She is breathing on her own which is such a blessing. She does have a feeding tube and an I.V., but is slowly but surely beginning to keep food down. We are going to try to feed her today at 2:00 with some milk I have pumped in the hospital room. Hopefully she'll keep up all the progress and get to come home soon. Cody and I are going home sometime today...well, being discharged anyway. We're going to take everything home and then come back up to be with our sweet little angel.

Thank you for all the support and prayers we have already received. Please continue to pray for all of Kaitlyn's doctors and nurses and their knowledge and help. Keep praying for Kaitlyn's recovery as well - she's a tough one!

I'll update more later. Just know that she's perfect!

As Shown

My parents bought us Kaitlyn's travel system - yay! We can now legally leave the hospital when the time comes! :) So Cody and my dad decided to put it together. The instructions kept saying do this..."as shown" and had some silly drawing to look at. Needless to say it took a little longer than everyone anticipated, but I sure got a kick out of it! :)






I love the last picture because you can see my mom trying to read the instructions, but my dad is still eyeing the stoller trying to figure it out. Classic.

The Power of Shoes

I remember having do to a speech in college on my beliefs. I still have it written somewhere around here... But that's not where I'm going with this. In that speech I had sappy parts and strong parts, but of course I tried to have some light hearted parts as well. I remember writing something along the lines of, "I believe in the power of shoes - whether they be glass slippers, ruby red slippers, or just a great pair of Old Navy flip flops." Now, I FIRMLY believe in the power of great tenny shoes. No doubt about it.

We were told this year that we could not wear flip flops to work anymore - and really, they aren't too professional, so I do see the point. But then again I teach kindergarten and get dirty and spend most of my day on the floor anyway (at least I did before I was almost nine months pregnant!) Well, my "dressy" sandals don't exactly fit right now, so I went out and bought some of the croc sandals - not the ugly garden looking shoes (sorry if that offends anyone) but the the ones that are two toned and have a little silver buckle type thing. Man, they were comfortable and I actually got some compliments on them. Only problem was by the end of the teaching day my ankles and feet looked like they belonged to an elephant. So much for that plan. The cute crocs will have to wait. I took some advice from a first grade teacher and wore a pair of tenny shoes the next day to work. My feet did not swell one bit! I was in heaven! So now, whatever I wear is topped off (or I guess technically bottomed off) with my snazzy tenny shoes. Nope, I don't look cute, and frankly sometimes it's a bit embarrassing, but you know what - at the end of the day I'm not swollen and that's really all that matters to me right now. :) And for anyone out there saying, "You can wear cute shoes, just stay off your feet and make the kids come to you." or anything along those line. I laugh at you - and in right in your face too. You come into a room full of 18 five year olds and teach effectively while not getting up and down all day. I dare you...

Birth Order and Relationships

I read this article on AOL about birth orders and your relationship...really it wasn't exactly an "article" but more of a mini-article type thing. Birth order has always fascinated me! I even did my junior theme on it! I thought the part about first borns, which would be me, and middle children, which would be Cody was very interesting...and actually pretty dead on. I've copied just those parts below.

The Firstborn Child
Typically, a first child grows up to be a conscientious and achievement-oriented adult who enjoys being in control and strives to please others. The idea is that when they were young, they had their parents all to themselves for a while, then lost that privilege. As a result, even as adults, they look for ways to gain back the undivided attention and approval they got used to receiving before their siblings came along. They're also often very organized and prefer to be in charge, which produces success in academics and career.

The good news for a firstborn when it comes to relationships, then, is that they're most likely reliable. You can count on them to be where they said they'd be, when they said they'd be there, and much of the guesswork of a relationship will be removed. The flip side of this, of course, is that they may need to work on being a bit more spontaneous and free-spirited. Also, a firstborn should be very aware of their potential tendency to try to maintain complete control when they interact with others; their relationships will benefit if they keep in mind the importance of compromise and collaboration.

The Middle Child
The middle child can often feel "squeezed out" by their siblings. The older sibling gets more responsibility and opportunities, while the younger sibling is the baby of the family and is thus coddled and adored. The good news is that middle children gets lots of practice at negotiating conflict, since they have to deal with it in both directions. Their flexibility and sociability means that they'll often end up being the kind of laid-back people that others like to be around. They also usually show strengths when it comes to compromise and coalition building.

As a result, a middle child often makes a very good romantic partner. Since middle children are the least likely to have been spoiled in any way, they're most likely willing to work hard to create a happy and meaningful relationship. One pitfall to watch out for, though, is the desire to avoid conflict, which middle children typically hate. They've experienced enough conflict and therefore do all that they can to steer clear of it. That, of course, is a dangerous inclination in a relationship, where it's often crucial that conflict be acknowledged and dealt with.

So far so good

The year is underway! I can't believe I've already made it through six days of school - man, the beginning of the year flies! I have the best class I've ever had this year! They all listen (as well as five year olds can) and are the smartest group coming in that I've had. I'm not at that "attached" state yet that I've gotten with all my other classes, but I know I will. I really think God was looking out for me this year knowing that I would have to be out on maternity leave.

I've also got an amazing new TA who is just wonderful! She's going to UTA at night and wants to be a teacher. She is great with the kids and picks up things so quickly which makes my job that much easier. I know I'll be leaving my class in good hands while I'm gone. I'm still stressed about making lesson plans for six weeks, but I'm not nearly as worried as I was before.

Here are some pictures of my room before the kids came in on day one. It will look a lot different by the end of the year when all the stations and such are up and running. :)